Ted Lasso (TV Series)

The Signal (2021)

Jason Sudeikis: Ted Lasso

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ted Lasso : Boy, I love meeting people's moms. It's like reading an instruction manual as to why they're nuts.

• Higgins : Well, I'm just not sure that Jane and Beard are very healthy together. And I'm a little bit disappointed that neither of you backed me up when I just said so.

  Ted Lasso : [whistles]  Okay. Calling us out. I appreciate that and I hear you, but... I mean, in my defense, I know why I didn't say anything.

  Higgins : And why's that?

  Ted Lasso : 'Cause you should never say anything. And look, man, I learned that the hard way. One of my best friends growing up was this fella, Marcus Girard. He dated the same girl from grade school to high school to college, whole time. And she could be a little bit of a pill, if I'm being honest, you know? No reason to start lying now. And, well, I let him know that. I told him so. And he was not too pleased, all right? And that is the last time I ever gave a best man speech.

• Ted Lasso : Roy, you're not gonna like this, but right now, Jamie here is being the mature one.

  Jamie Tartt : It's true. I'm being super mature, you big, dumb, hairy baby twat!

  Ted Lasso : He just wants to learn from you.

  Jamie Tartt : If you know how to make me better, I want to hear it.

  Ted Lasso : See?

  Roy Kent : Fine. I'll tell you what's wrong with you.

  Ted Lasso : All right, now! Here we go!

  Roy Kent : [looks at Ted]  You fucked him up.

  Ted Lasso : Whoa. Okay, expound.

  Roy Kent : You've made him a team player. You've got him to pass and shit, and in doing so, you've made him average. 'Cause, Jamie, deep down, at your core, you are a prick. So just be a prick. We need you to score more goals, and we need you to get in the other teams' fucking heads and drive them up the fucking wall like only you can fucking do.

  Jamie Tartt : So I can go back to being a prick?

  Roy Kent : No. I'm saying, sometimes, when it is appropriate... yes, be a prick.

  Jamie Tartt : Okay. How will I know when?

  Ted Lasso : I'm actually curious about that myself, too.

  Roy Kent : We'll give you a signal.

  Jamie Tartt : What signal?

  Ted Lasso : Any specifics we need to look out for?

  Roy Kent : You'll know it when you see it.

• Ted Lasso : [walking up on Roy and Keeley kissing]  Hey, I tell you what, I am shipping the heck out of you two.

  Roy Kent : I'm calling HR.

  Ted Lasso : Yeah? Well, tell Mr. Pufnstuf I said hello. That is a joke for people born in the early to mid '70s.

• Coach Beard : [Ted has made a sandwich for Coach Beard]  No horseradish?

  Ted Lasso : I thought you were allergic.

  Coach Beard : To horses and radishes.

  Ted Lasso : Oh, I'm sorry.