- Alex Moran: Backup QB is the best position in sports. Fact: I get drunk all the time. I don't have to show up to class; and it's just like being a real QB but without all the pain.
- Coach Marty Daniels: Once upon a time, some weak, pathetic pussy coined the phrase, "Winning isn't everything." But, for most people in most situations, he was right. But, I'm not one of those people and this is not one of those situations.