Joel Heyman: Pvt. Michael J. Caboose

Quotes 

• [O'Malley infected Frank "Doc" Defresne. O'Malley is atop of the base laughing evilly] 

  O'Malley : Here I am, you fools!

  Church : How'd he get up there so quick?

  Donut : That guy's wicked fast!

  Frank DuFresne : Thanks! I lettered in track in High School! It was the least direct competitive sport I could find!

  Grif : Track sucks!

  O'Malley : *You* suck! And now I make my escape with my metallic hostage, never to be seen again! Unless I want to be seen, in which case, if I see you before you see me... look out! The universe will be mine!

  [evil laugh] 

• Grif : [the Red and Blue teams call a truce]  So now we're forced to work together? How ironic.

  Simmons : No, that's not ironic! Ironic would be if we had to work together to hurt each other!

  Donut : No, ironic would be, if instead of that guy kidnapping Lopez, Lopez kidnapped him.

  Sarge : I think it would be ironic if our guns didn't shoot bullets, but instead squirted a healing salve that cured all wounds.

  Caboose : I think it would be ironic if everyone was made of iron.

• Caboose : Uhh, Church? How come Tucker gets to nap during battles and I don't?