Gustavo Sorola: Pvt. Dick Simmons 2.0

Quotes 

• Sarge : [Sarge introduces the special modifications he has made to the new robots]  Check it out. Robot #2, codeword dirtbag.

  Grif : [the robot beeps, then hits Grif]  Ow! Hey!

  Sarge : Heh heh heh. Pretty nifty, huh?

  Simmons : That's awesome, sir! Let me try. Let me try. Codeword dirtbag!

  Grif : Ow! OK fine. Two can play at this game. Codeword dirtbag!

  [the robot beeps, then hits Grif] 

  Grif : Ah, son of a bitch.

• Grif : You think they'll show up?

  Simmons : Well, my gut says no, but then again, my gut's made of an advanced polymer, and it doesn't know what the hell it's talking about. Stupid gut.

• Grif : [the Red and Blue teams call a truce]  So now we're forced to work together? How ironic.

  Simmons : No, that's not ironic! Ironic would be if we had to work together to hurt each other!

  Donut : No, ironic would be, if instead of that guy kidnapping Lopez, Lopez kidnapped him.

  Sarge : I think it would be ironic if our guns didn't shoot bullets, but instead squirted a healing salve that cured all wounds.

  Caboose : I think it would be ironic if everyone was made of iron.

• Sarge : Simmons, Grif, we're out of luck. Get ready to open fire. Today is a good day to die.

  Grif : Wait! I think today is actually a good day to RETREAT. Can't we push dying to a week from Friday?

  Simmons : Yeah... let's all take dying as an open-action item, and come back with suggestions next meeting.

  Sarge : No! It has to be today. For our ancestors. YEAARRRRHH!

  [charges]