Supernatural (TV Series)

Changing Channels (2009)

Jared Padalecki: Sam Winchester

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sam Winchester : You gotta calm down.

  Dean Winchester : Calm down? I am wearing *sunglasses* at night! You know who does that? No-talent douchebags! I *hate* this game! I hate that we're in a procedural cop show, and you want to know why? Because I *hate* procedural cop shows! There's like three hundred of 'em on television, they're all the freakin' same, it's "ooh, a plane crashed here," oh shut up!

• Sam Winchester : [stuck as the Impala]  You sure this is gonna work?

  Dean Winchester : No but I have no other ideas.

  [yells at the sky] 

  Dean Winchester : All right you sonofabitch! Uncle! We'll do it!

  Sam Winchester : Should I honk?

  [the Trickster appears] 

  Trickster : Wow. Sam, get a load of the rims on you.

  Sam Winchester : Eat me.

  Trickster : [whistles]  Okay, boys. Ready to go quietly?

  Dean Winchester : Wo-wo-woah, not so fast. Nobody's goin' anywhere until Sam has opposable thumbs.

  Trickster : What's the difference? Satan's gonna ride his ass one way or another.

  [Dean gives him a look, the Trickster snaps his fingers, Sam steps out of the car] 

  Trickster : Happy?

  Dean Winchester : Tell me one thing. Why didn't the stake kill you?

  Trickster : I *am* the Trickster.

  Dean Winchester : But maybe you're not.

  [Sam flicks a lighter, throws it down; a ring of holy fire goes up around the Trickster] 

  Dean Winchester : Maybe you've always been an angel.

  Trickster : [laughs]  A *what*? Somebody slip a mickey in your power shake, kid?

  Dean Winchester : I'll tell you what. You just jump out of the holy fire and, we'll call it our mistake.

  [Trickster laughs, then turns sober and the scene flips back to the empty warehouse] 

  Trickster : [claps]  Well played, boys. Well played. Where'd you get the holy oil?

  Dean Winchester : Well you might say we pulled it outta Sam's ass.

• Sam Winchester : What are you watching?

  Dean Winchester : Some kind of hospital show. "Dr. Sexy, M.D." It's based on a book.

  Sam Winchester : [laughs]  When did you hit menopause?

  Dean Winchester : It's called channel surfing!

• Dean Winchester : How long do we have to keep doin' this?

  [laughter] 

  Sam Winchester : [tense smile]  I dunno. Maybe forever? We might die in here.

  [laughter] 

  Dean Winchester : [addressing the unseen audience]  How is that funny? Vultures.

• Trickster : Where'd I screw up?

  Sam Winchester : You didn't. Nobody gets the jump on Cas like you did.

  Dean Winchester : Mostly it was the way you talked about Armageddon.

  Trickster : Meaning?

  Dean Winchester : Well, call it personal experience, but nobody gets that angry unless they're talkin' about their own family.

  Sam Winchester : So which one are you? Grumpy, Sneezy or Douchey?

  Trickster : Gabriel, okay? They call me Gabriel.

• [Dean is rummaging in Impala-Sam's trunk] 

  Sam Winchester : Dean?

  Dean Winchester : [irritably]  What?

  Sam Winchester : That, uh, feels really... uncomfortable.

  [Dean slams the trunk lid down] 

  Sam Winchester : Ow.

• Sam Winchester : Dean, how can this *possibly* be real?

  Dean Winchester : I don't know, all right! Oh, but there goes Dr. Wang, the sexy but arrogant heart surgeon. And there's Johnny Drake. Well, he's not even alive, he's a ghost in the mind of... of her. The sexy but *neurotic* doctor over there.

  Sam Winchester : So... *this* show has ghosts? Why?

  Dean Winchester : I don't know. It *is* compelling.

  Sam Winchester : I thought you said you weren't a fan.

  Dean Winchester : I'm not. I'm not! Oh boy...

  Sam Winchester : What?

  Dean Winchester : [grinning, star-struck]  It's him.

  Sam Winchester : Who?

  Dean Winchester : It's him, it's Dr. Sexy!

• [Dean has been shot, Sam is his surgeon] 

  Dean Winchester : Sam! Do somethin', come on!

  Sam Winchester : I don't know how to use any of this crap!

  Dean Winchester : Figure it out! Sam! Come on, I'm waiting!

  Sam Winchester : Okay, um, I need a... penknife, some dental floss, a sewing needle, and a fifth of whiskey! Stat!

• Dean Winchester : We're *in* "Dr. Sexy, M.D." Dude, what the hell?

  Sam Winchester : I don't know.

  Dean Winchester : Seriously, what the hell!

  Sam Winchester : I don't know!

  Dean Winchester : One theory, any theory!

  Sam Winchester : Uh, the Trickster trapped us in TV Land.

  Dean Winchester : That's your theory? That's stupid!

• Dean Winchester : I'm worried, man. What that SOB did to Cas. Y'know, where is he?

  [looks around the motel room, Sam is missing] 

  Dean Winchester : Sam? Where are you?

  [calling Sam's cell as he walks out to the car] 

  Dean Winchester : Sam, it's me.

  [getting in the car] 

  Dean Winchester : Where the hell did you go?

  Sam Winchester : Dean?

  [Dean looks around, the car is empty] 

  Dean Winchester : Sam? Where are you?

  Sam Winchester : I don't know.

  [Dean notices a console in the dash a la Knight Rider, Sam's voice is coming from it] 

  Sam Winchester : Oh crap. I don't think we killed the Trickster.

  [cut to Dean driving Sam a la Knight Rider opening] 

  Dean Winchester : Okay, stake didn't work. So what, this another trick?

  Sam Winchester : I don't know. Maybe the stake didn't work because it's not a trickster?

  Dean Winchester : What do you mean?

  Sam Winchester : You heard Cas. He said this thing was too powerful to *be* a trickster.

  Dean Winchester : Yeah, and did you notice the way he looked at Cas? Almost like he knew him.

  Sam Winchester : And how pissed he got when you brought up Michael and Lucifer.

  Dean Winchester : Son of a bitch.

  Sam Winchester : What?

  Dean Winchester : I think I know what we're dealin' with.

• Dean Winchester : Okay, Gabriel. How does an Archangel become a trickster?

  Trickster : My own, private, witness protection. I skipped outta Heaven, had a face transplant, carved out my own little corner of the world. 'Til you two screwed it all up.

  Dean Winchester : And what'd Daddy say when you ran off and joined the pagans?

  Trickster : Daddy doesn't say anything about anything.

  Sam Winchester : Then what happened? Why'd you ditch?

  Dean Winchester : Well do you blame him? I mean his brothers are heavy-weight douche-nozzles.

  Trickster : [furious]  Shut your cake-hole. You don't know anything about my family. I *loved* my father, and my brothers. Loved them! But watching them turn on each other? Tear at each other's throats? I couldn't bear it! Okay? So I left. And now it's happening all over again.

  Sam Winchester : Then help us stop it!

  Trickster : It can't be stopped!

  Dean Winchester : You want to see the end of the world?

  Trickster : I want it to be *over*! I have to sit back and watch my brothers kill each other, thanks to you two! Heaven, Hell, I don't care who wins! I just want it to be over!

  Sam Winchester : It doesn't have to be like that! There has to be some way to, to pull the plug!

  Trickster : [laughing]  Oh-ho-ho-ho, you do *not* know my family. What you guys call the Apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner! That's why there's no stopping this. Because this isn't about a war, it's about two brothers who loved each other, and *betrayed* each other! You think you'd be able to relate!

  Sam Winchester : [confused]  What're you talkin' about?

  Trickster : [looks from one to the other, whistles]  You sorry sonsabitches. Why do you think you two are the vessels? Think about it! Michael, the big brother, loyal to an absent father. And Lucifer, the little brother, rebellious of Daddy's plan. You were born to this, boys. It's your destiny! It was *always* you! As it is in Heaven, so it must be on Earth! One brother has to kill the other.

  Dean Winchester : So what the hell are you saying?

  Trickster : Why do you think I've always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always.

  Dean Winchester : No. That's not gonna happen.

  Trickster : [sadly]  I'm sorry. But it is. Guys. I wish this were a TV show. Easy answers, endings wrapped up in a bow. But this is real. And it's gonna end bloody for all of us. That's just how it's gotta be.

• Dean Winchester : Just desserts. Sweet tooth. Screwin' with people before you kill 'em... We're dealin' with the Trickster aren't we?

  Sam Winchester : Sure looks like.

  Dean Winchester : Good. Been wantin' to gank that mother since Mystery Spot.

  Sam Winchester : You sure?

  Dean Winchester : Yeah I'm sure!

  Sam Winchester : No I mean, are you sure you wanna kill him?

  Dean Winchester : Sonofabitch didn't think twice about icing me. A *thousand* times.

  Sam Winchester : No, I, I mean, I'm just sayin'...

  Dean Winchester : What *are* you saying? You don't wanna kill him, then what?

  Sam Winchester : Talk to him?

  Dean Winchester : [bewildered]  What?

  Sam Winchester : Look, think about it, Dean. He's one of the most powerful creatures we've ever met. Maybe we can use him.

  Dean Winchester : For what?

  Sam Winchester : Okay, Trickster's like a, like a Hugh Hefner type, right? Wine, women, song? Maybe he doesn't want the party to end! I mean, maybe he hates this angels and demons stuff as much as we do. Maybe he'll help us.

  Dean Winchester : You're serious.

  Sam Winchester : Yeah!

  Dean Winchester : Ally with the Trickster.

  Sam Winchester : Yeah.

  Dean Winchester : A... bloody, violent monster, and you wanna be Facebook friends with him? Nice, Sammy.

  Sam Winchester : The world is gonna end, Dean. We don't have the luxury of a moral stand. Look, I'm just sayin', it's worth a shot. That's all. If it doesn't work, we'll kill him.

• Sam Winchester : We need to talk to you. We need your help.

  Trickster : Hmmm. Lemme guess. You two mutton-heads broke the world, and you want me to sweep up your mess.

  Sam Winchester : Please, just five minutes. Hear us out.

  Trickster : Sure. Tell you what. Survive the next twenty-four hours, we'll talk.

  Dean Winchester : Survive what?

  Trickster : The Game!

  Dean Winchester : What game?

  Trickster : You're in it!

  Dean Winchester : How do we play?

  Trickster : You're playing it.

  Dean Winchester : What're the rules?

  [Trickster wiggles his eyebrows and vanishes, the surroundings move] 

  Dean Winchester : Oh, son of a *bitch*.

• [Dean and Sam are trapped in a Japanese game show, there is a loud knocking noise] 

  Dean Winchester : Oh now what?

  [the doors open, Castiel enters] 

  Dean Winchester : Cas?

  Sam Winchester : Is this another trick?

  Castiel : It's me!

  [looks around, confused] 

  Castiel : Uh, what are you doing here?

  Dean Winchester : Us? What are *you* doing here?

  Castiel : Looking for you, you've been missing for days!

  Sam Winchester : So get us the hell outta here, then!

  Castiel : [reaching for them]  Let's go!

  [He blips out, vanishing] 

  Dean Winchester : Cas?

  Game Show Host : No no no no. Mr. Trickster does not like pretty-boy angels!

• Sam Winchester : [disbelieving]  You want us to say "yes" to those sonsabitches?

  Trickster : *Hells* yeah! Let's light this candle!

  Sam Winchester : We do that, the world will *end*!

  Trickster : Yeah? And... whose fault is that? Who popped Lucifer outta the box? Hm? Look. It's started. You started it. It can't be stopped. So let's get it over with!

  Dean Winchester : Heaven or Hell, which side you on?

  Trickster : I'm not on either side.

  Dean Winchester : Yeah right. You're grabbin' ankle for Michael or Lucifer, which one is it?

  Trickster : [huffs a laugh]  You listen to me, you arrogant dick. I don't work for either of those SOBs. Believe me.

  Dean Winchester : Hm. Oh, you're somebody's bitch.

  [Trickster grabs Dean and slams him against the door] 

  Trickster : [fiercely]  Don't you ever, *ever* presume to know what I am. Now listen very closely. Here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna suck it up, accept your responsibilities, and play the roles that destiny has chosen for you!

  Sam Winchester : And if we don't?

  Trickster : Then you'll stay here in TV Land. Forever. Three hundred channels and ah, nothin's on.

  [he snaps his fingers, the scene changes] 

• Dean Winchester : [notices the doctor's footwear, slams him against the wall]  You're not Dr. Sexy.

  Dr. Sexy : You're crazy.

  Dean Winchester : Really? Because I swore part of what makes Dr. Sexy sexy, is the fact that he wears cowboy boots. Not tennis shoes!

  Sam Winchester : Yeah, you're not a fan...

  Dean Winchester : It's a guilty pleasure!

  Dr. Sexy : [to passersby]  Call security.

  Dean Winchester : Yeah, go ahead pal. See, we know what you are.

  [their surroundings freeze, Dr. Sexy morphs into the Trickster] 

  Trickster : You guys are getting better!

  Dean Winchester : Get us the hell outta here.

  Trickster : Or what? Don't see your wooden stakes, big guy.

  Sam Winchester : That was you on the police scanner, right? And this is a trick.

  Trickster : [pointing to himself]  Helloooo? Trickster! Come on, I heard you two yahoos were in town, how could I resist?

• [Castiel enters, looking worse for wear] 

  Dean Winchester : You okay?

  Castiel : I don't have much time.

  Sam Winchester : What happened?

  Castiel : I got out.

  Dean Winchester : From where?

  Castiel : Listen to me! Something is not right, this thing is much more powerful than it should be.

  Dean Winchester : What thing, the Trickster?

  Castiel : If it *is* a Trickster.

  Sam Winchester : What do you mean?

  [Castiel gets flung against the wall, the Trickster enters, applause] 

  Trickster : Hello! Thank you! Thank you! Please, stop.

  [Castiel gets up, his mouth is taped shut] 

  Trickster : [brightly]  Hey, Castiel!

  [the Trickster flicks a hand, Castiel vanishes] 

  Sam Winchester : You know him?

  Dean Winchester : Where did you just send him?

  Trickster : Relax. He'll live.

  [pause] 

  Trickster : Maybe.

  Dean Winchester : [angry, advancing]  All right, you know what? I'm done with the monkey dance. 'Kay? We get it.

  Trickster : Yeah? Get what, Hot Shot?

  Dean Winchester : Playing our roles, right? That's your game?

  Trickster : That's *half* the game.

  Sam Winchester : What's the other half?

  Trickster : Play your roles, out there.

  Dean Winchester : What's that supposed to mean?

  Trickster : Oh you know! Sam, starring as Lucifer! Dean, starring as Michael! You're Celebrity Deathmatch! Play your roles!