Quotes
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Rachel Berry : [after getting egged by Vocal Adrenaline] And now I just keep having nightmares of all of the mothers of the little baby chicks coming after me for revenge.
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : Oh, this is bull! Finn, Mike, Matt, come with me.
Finn Hudson : Right on. It's time for less talking and more punching.
Will Schuester : [entering as they leave] Hey, what's going on?
Finn Hudson : We're on our way to go all "Braveheart" on Vocal Adrenaline.
Will Schuester : No, guys, violence is never the answer.
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : Oh, it is when the question is "What's the best way to mess up that Jesse kid's face?".
Kurt Hummel : Mr. Schue, Rachel's one of us. We're the only ones who get to humiliate her.
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Will Schuester : You seem to be taking this Jesse thing pretty hard.
Rachel Berry : I want him to be eaten by a lion.
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Will Schuester : Jesse cared about you.
Rachel Berry : No, he didn't. Our entire relationship was just some diabolical plan. They knew if they broke my heart close enough to the competition, that I'd lose my will to live, and then New Directions would have no chance at winning Regionals. It's textbook; you destroy the heart of the team's heart and you destroy the team.
Will Schuester : [voiceover as Rachel continues, under] Sandy told me how to beat Vocal Adrenaline, and now Rachel was inadvertently telling me how to beat my other nemesis. Suddenly, I wasn't feeling nearly as depressed.
[cut to him working in the choir room]
Sue Sylvester : [entering] William, I'm gonna have to ask you to clear out. I received an anonymous tip from someone who wants to meet me here to discuss an illegal Hot Cheetos ring. Hot Cheetos have been proven to raise endorphins, which makes for happy kids, and I can't have that.
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Will Schuester : [writing "funk" on the whiteboard] Funk. Use it in a sentence.
[everyone stays silent]
Will Schuester : Come on. Rachel.
Rachel Berry : This cheese smells funky.
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : That's 'cause it's "from-unda" cheese.
Rachel Berry : Shut it, Puckerman!
Will Schuester : Okay, okay. I was thinking more along the lines of... Vocal Adrenaline has sure put us all in a funk.
Kurt Hummel : I'm so depressed, I've worn the same outfit twice this week.
Will Schuester : What if I told you I knew how we could shove it right back down their throats? New Directions is about to make their funk the P-funk. We are going to get funked up. The only way to do that is to beat them at Regionals. Vocal Adrenaline has never once done a funk number. They're a machine; a collective, synthesized, soulless beat. Funk is soul meets anger. Its passion is in its emotion. And Vocal Adrenaline doesn't perform with any. So you have your assignment. I want you guys to turn McKinley High into...
[singing]
Will Schuester : Funky town.
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Will Schuester : All right, guys, today I want to talk to you about regrets. Who has some?
Rachel Berry : Giving my heart to Jesse just to have it crushed like the stage floor at a performance of Stomp.
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Giselle : [egging Rachel] I hear you're a vegan, Berry. The souls of those poor egg fetuses are all on your conscience now.
[the group laughs]
Giselle : Do it, Jesse. Are you with us or not?
Rachel Berry : [he approaches her with egg in hand] Do it. Break it like you broke my heart.
Jesse St. James : I loved you.
[he reluctantly cracks the egg on her]
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Rachel Berry : [finding Vocal Adrenaline in their auditorium] Jesse? What are you doing up there with them?
Jesse St. James : I've transferred back to Carmel High, Rachel. I'm sorry that it's come to this, but you guys were awful to me. You never accepted me, you never listened to my clearly superior ideas.
Finn Hudson : Why are you here in our auditorium?
Jesse St. James : The blogs and chat rooms say that we're finished, and that you guys are ripe to topple us. We just wanted to show you a little something that we came up with a few days ago to see if you agree with that assessment.
[they perform a rendition of "Another One Bites the Dust"]
Giselle : Thanks for letting us borrow your auditorium, guys. It's quaint.
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[first lines]
Mercedes Jones : Is it just me, or does it feel like we have a real shot at regionals next month?
Artie Abrams : The Ohio Show Choir chat rooms have all been buzzing that about how Vocal Adrenaline has lost a step.
Kurt Hummel : I agree. The judges know all of their tricks and now that we have Jesse, they've lost their best performer.
Rachel Berry : [approaching, in a panic] You guys have to come to the auditorium. It's an emergency.
