Quotes
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Will Schuester : If we lose to Vocal Adrenaline at regionals, none of us are gonna regret it. We will have given it our best shot and we won't look back. But we will regret letting them get the best of us before the competition, which is why we need to hit them back just like they hit us.
Quinn Fabray : So you want us to T.P their choir room?
Will Schuester : Whatever the better, cooler version of that is, like, uh- maybe-maybe we should steal their school statue.
Kurt Hummel : Their school statue is a giant, bronze of a great white shark eating a seal pup. It weighs three tons.
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Rachel Berry : [after getting egged by Vocal Adrenaline] And now I just keep having nightmares of all of the mothers of the little baby chicks coming after me for revenge.
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : Oh, this is bull! Finn, Mike, Matt, come with me.
Finn Hudson : Right on. It's time for less talking and more punching.
Will Schuester : [entering as they leave] Hey, what's going on?
Finn Hudson : We're on our way to go all "Braveheart" on Vocal Adrenaline.
Will Schuester : No, guys, violence is never the answer.
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : Oh, it is when the question is "What's the best way to mess up that Jesse kid's face?".
Kurt Hummel : Mr. Schue, Rachel's one of us. We're the only ones who get to humiliate her.
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Will Schuester : Kurt, what is going on around here?
Kurt Hummel : Coach Sylvester won't get out of bed. We haven't had practice in days. I'm fine because I have Glee, but these girls have sort of lost it. No Nationals means that four of the girls will lose their college scholarships. And the rest are just depressed and confused.
Brittany S. Pierce : [passing by clinging to Jacob Ben Israel, who is desperately trying to get away] Please, please love me, please.
Kurt Hummel : It's really hard to feel bad for Sue Sylvester; she doesn't need another trophy. But some of these girls, they really do.
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Will Schuester : [writing "funk" on the whiteboard] Funk. Use it in a sentence.
[everyone stays silent]
Will Schuester : Come on. Rachel.
Rachel Berry : This cheese smells funky.
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : That's 'cause it's "from-unda" cheese.
Rachel Berry : Shut it, Puckerman!
Will Schuester : Okay, okay. I was thinking more along the lines of... Vocal Adrenaline has sure put us all in a funk.
Kurt Hummel : I'm so depressed, I've worn the same outfit twice this week.
Will Schuester : What if I told you I knew how we could shove it right back down their throats? New Directions is about to make their funk the P-funk. We are going to get funked up. The only way to do that is to beat them at Regionals. Vocal Adrenaline has never once done a funk number. They're a machine; a collective, synthesized, soulless beat. Funk is soul meets anger. Its passion is in its emotion. And Vocal Adrenaline doesn't perform with any. So you have your assignment. I want you guys to turn McKinley High into...
[singing]
Will Schuester : Funky town.
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Artie Abrams : It's a Carmel High tradition. They psych out the competition a few weeks before the big show. They call it a funkification, meaning they show us what they've got, and we spiral into a deep, black funk.
Finn Hudson : Yeah. Yeah, we used to do the same thing to other football teams. You know, try and get inside their head before the big game, pull little pranks to intimidate them.
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : Yeah, well, the difference was our football team sucked. Those guys are golden.
Kurt Hummel : Come on, keep your heads up, guys. It's going to take more than that to...
[stunned to see the choir room TPed]
Kurt Hummel : ...get us into a funk.
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[first lines]
Mercedes Jones : Is it just me, or does it feel like we have a real shot at regionals next month?
Artie Abrams : The Ohio Show Choir chat rooms have all been buzzing that about how Vocal Adrenaline has lost a step.
Kurt Hummel : I agree. The judges know all of their tricks and now that we have Jesse, they've lost their best performer.
Rachel Berry : [approaching, in a panic] You guys have to come to the auditorium. It's an emergency.
