How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Robin 101 (2009)

Cobie Smulders: Robin Scherbatsky

Quotes 

• Robin Scherbatsky : Barney's my boyfriend! I've said it like a hundred times, and it still sound weird.

  Ted Mosby : Well anything sounds weird when you say it 100 times... Bowl...

• Ted Mosby : Look, all that stuff I told Barney, it was personal between you and me. I'm really sorry.

  Robin Scherbatsky : I guess I'm impressed by how much you remembered.

  Ted Mosby : It's funny. When you date someone, it's like you're taking one long course in who that person is, and then when you break up, all that stuff becomes useless. It's the emotional equivalent of an English degree. I guess I just liked the idea of putting all my Robin Scherbatsky knowledge to good use. You know?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Well, since you know me pretty well... Am I fooling myself with this whole Barney thing?

  Ted Mosby : I don't know. I will say this, though. I've seen Barney work very hard to get women. I've seen him work very hard to get rid of women. I've never seen him work this hard to keep one around. I was going to give him an A. Well, B+; Shin-Ya kind of screwed up the curve.

• Ted Mosby : Now, as you can see, well over fifty percent of the blankets have been dragged onto her side. Make no mistake: Robin Scherbatsky is a classic textbook cover hog. Any questions?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Yeah, I have one.

  Ted Mosby : Yes, Robin?

  [there is a brief pause before Ted and Barney realize who it is with an identical dramatic gasp] 

• Ted Mosby : [In Classroom]  Which brings us to an important point: defusing the bomb.

  Robin Scherbatsky : [Apartment]  "Defusing the bomb"? What does that even mean?

  Lily Aldrin : [Reading]  "Three Topics To Distract Robin From Being Mad At You."

  Robin Scherbatsky : "Distract" me? Oh, that is so condescending. These guys are really starting to piss me off!

  [Throws something] 

  Lily Aldrin : "Immediately switch the conversation To one of the following, unless you want Robin to start throwing her shoes."

  [Shots flip between Ted at the classroom and Robin at the apartment] 

  Ted Mosby : One: Vancouver Canucks 2004 Division Title.

  Robin Scherbatsky : What? That's not distracting. That's just talking about the story of a scrappy little underdog team that prevailed despite very shaky goal ending and, frankly, the declining skills of Trevor Linden.

  Ted Mosby : Two: Proper Gun Cleaning and Maintenance.

  Robin Scherbatsky : You have to clean your gun. My uncle had a filthy old shotgun, blew both his thumbs off trying to shoot a beaver. You want to distract someone, make them watch my uncle try to eat corn on the cob.

  Ted Mosby : Three: Emperor Penguins.

  Robin Scherbatsky : Did you know that before intercourse, the male and female emperor penguins bow to each other?

  [Bows] 

  Robin Scherbatsky : Mr. Penguin.

  [Bows] 

  Robin Scherbatsky : Mrs. Penguin. Oh, God, silly penguins, acting all fancy.

  [laughs] 

  Robin Scherbatsky : What were we talking about?

• Robin Scherbatsky : Look, I'm not the touchy-feely-est person in the world, but a little more effort would be nice.

  Lily Aldrin : I understand. I guess, in a lot of ways, Barney doesn't stack up. I mean, you've had some pretty incredible boyfriends.

  [Look over at Ted] 

  Ted Mosby : [Repeating at different pitches]  Bowl. Booo-wl. Bowl. Bowl.

  Robin Scherbatsky : No, that's not it.

• Narrator : Over the next couple weeks, Barney was thoughtful, considerate, sweet. In short, the perfect boyfriend. Which, to Robin, meant only one thing.

  Robin Scherbatsky : He's cheating on me.

• Robin Scherbatsky : [about Marshall's barrel]  You need a hand throwing it out?

  Marshall Eriksen : No, I'm not... I'm not just going to throw her out, okay? Mabel's like family.

  Robin Scherbatsky : So, um, what are you gonna do with Mabel?

  Marshall Eriksen : I want to give her away to a lucky new owner. Do you know anyone?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Yeah, hmm, let me think. Do I know any rodeo clowns? Oh, that's weird, I do. But even Lenny wouldn't go near that mess.

• Robin Scherbatsky : Okay, can I just say that my deepest need in life not to have my father to say, "I am proud of you, eh?"

  Lily Aldrin : So why are you crying now?

  Robin Scherbatsky : [Teary]  I'm not crying.

• Robin Scherbatsky : I have so many questions. Why would you do this? What were you thinking? Who the hell is that guy?

  [points to random Asian kind in the classroom] 

  Ted Mosby : Oh, that's Shin-Ya. He's sort of been auditing the class.

  Robin Scherbatsky : [Furious]  "Auditing"?

  Ted Mosby : Well, tried to explain to him it wasn't a real class, but I don't think he speaks much English.