- Jeremy Gilbert: Wanna keep it down over there?
- Jenna Sommers: Why, what are you doing?
- Jeremy Gilbert: Homework.
- Elena Gilbert: Since when do you do homework?
- Jeremy Gilbert: I gotta finish this. I'm way behind, and I have a quiz tomorrow, so...
- Elena Gilbert: What do you think... alien?
- Jenna Sommers: Some sort of replicant.
- Jeremy Gilbert: He can hear you.
- Stefan Salvatore: Lexi?
- Lexi: Hi.
- Stefan Salvatore: What are you doing here?
- Lexi: How could you even ask that?
- Stefan Salvatore: I missed you.
- Lexi: Happy birthday.
- Damon Salvatore: What an unexpected surprise.
- Lexi: Unexpected surprise? I think the wrong brother went back to high school.
- Stefan Salvatore: Katherine and Elena may look the same on the outside, but on the inside they are completely different.
- Lexi: Oh, so Elena's not a raging bitch then, huh?
- Lexi: Ah. The famous Elena.
- Elena Gilbert: Towel girl.
- Lexi: I've been called worse. Here.
- [Lexi hands Elena a shot of alcohol]
- Elena Gilbert: I didn't know that you guys could drink.
- Lexi: Oh, yeah. It helps curb the cravings. But... makes for a lot of lushy vamps.
- Elena Gilbert: You know, I've never seen Stefan drunk. He always seems so...
- Lexi: Uptight?
- Elena Gilbert: Yeah.
- Lexi: Yeah.
- Elena Gilbert: But not with you.
- Lexi: Well, that's the benefit of knowing someone for over a hundred years. You can just be yourself.
- Elena Gilbert: Yeah, he can't be himself with me.
- Lexi: Well, not yet. The first step was him telling you. The rest comes with time.
- Elena Gilbert: You seem so sure.
- Lexi: The love of my life was human. He went through what I imagine you're going through: denial, anger, et cetera. But at the end of the day, love really did conquer all.
- Stefan Salvatore: Elena is... Elena's warm. And she's... she's kind and she's caring and she's selfless... and it's real. And... honestly, when I'm around her... I completely forget what I am.
- Lexi: Oh my God! You're in love with her.
- Stefan Salvatore: Yeah. Yeah, I am.
- Lexi: So this Elena girl. She'll come around. I'm sure of it. Have you had sex yet?
- Stefan Salvatore: No.
- Lexi: Sex always works. I mean you'll rock her world so hard with your vamp sex, she'll be yours forever.
- Stefan Salvatore: Yeah, but see, this isn't about sex or... or compulsion or any of our other tricks. She has to want to be with me on her own terms.
- Lexi: Wow. That sounded all mature and grown up.
- Stefan Salvatore: [smiling] I'm not getting any old.
- Damon Salvatore: Why are you so mean to me?
- Lexi: Uh, have you met you? You're not a nice person.
- Damon Salvatore: Because I'm a vampire.
- Lexi: But you're only the bad parts.
- Damon Salvatore: [teasing] Teach me to be good.
- Stefan Salvatore: [to Damon, after staking him and missing his heart on purpose] You saved my life. Now I'm sparing yours. We're even.
- Damon Salvatore: I have a diabolical master plan.
- Lexi: What is it?
- Damon Salvatore: Well if I told you, it wouldn't be very diabolical, now would it?
- Jenna Sommers: [plopping on the couch] You're wallowing.
- Elena Gilbert: So are you.
- Jenna Sommers: My wallow is legitimate. I was dumped.
- Elena Gilbert: Yeah... well. Logan is a jerk.
- Jenna Sommers: You didn't get a brush-off e-mail say: "I'm leaving town. See ya."
- Caroline Forbes: [encounters Damon in street] Look, dungeon boy, I'm done being your little slave girl. You seriously hurt me, and I will be damned if you think...
- [hypnotic stare sways her instantly yet again]
- Caroline Forbes: Oh, my God, where have you been?
- [giggles]
- Caroline Forbes: It's really good to see you.
- Damon Salvatore: Much better.
- [more hypnotic persuasion:]
- Damon Salvatore: You wanna throw a party here at the Grill tonight.
- Caroline Forbes: Why don't you do it?
- Damon Salvatore: Because then Stefan and his BFF won't come. I need a lot of people. Big crowd. Invite everyone.
- Caroline Forbes: And why am I having this party?
- Damon Salvatore: [tapping her with his finger] Because you are gonna help me solve this town's little vampire problem. And I want my crystal back.
- Caroline Forbes: Oh, but Bonnie has it.
- Damon Salvatore: I know that. Get it from her.
- Caroline Forbes: Amazing party, right?
- Damon Salvatore: Glad you thought of it.
- [fakes a big smile]
- Caroline Forbes: Are you having a good time?
- Damon Salvatore: Do you have my crystal?
- Caroline Forbes: No.
- Damon Salvatore: Then I'm not having a good time.
- [frowns]
- Matt Donovan: [to drunk Caroline] Bad night, huh?
- Caroline Forbes: [sighs] Baddest. Am I shallow?
- Matt Donovan: [chuckles] Is that a trick question?
- Caroline Forbes: I don't mean to be. Yeah, I... I wanna be deep. I wanna be, like, The Abyss deep.
- Matt Donovan: No offense, Car, but deep's really not your scene.
- Caroline Forbes: [sighs, and through sobs:] Well, it's true. I'm shallow. I'm worse than shallow. I'm a kiddie pool.
- [starts crying tearfully]
- Matt Donovan: You're not a kiddie pool.
- [crying continues]
- Matt Donovan: You're not a kiddie pool.
- Caroline Forbes: [wrecked] Can I just go home?
- Matt Donovan: Yeah.
- Caroline Forbes: Okay.
- Matt Donovan: I'll take you. Come on.
- [picks her up]
- Matt Donovan: Are you okay?
- Caroline Forbes: No.
- [ponders]
- Caroline Forbes: Did you ever feel that there's not a person in the world that loves you?
- Damon Salvatore: Stefan smiles. *Alert the media.*
- Elena Gilbert: You haven't given him a lot of reasons to be happy lately.
- Damon Salvatore: Oh, you're right. Poor Stefan. Persecuted throughout eternity by his *depraved* brother. You think he *tires* of being so righteous?
- Elena Gilbert: Gmph. It flares up in the presence of psychopaths.
- Damon Salvatore: Ouch! Consider this psychopath's feelings hurt.