- Spencer Shay: What kinda burglar breaks into people's apartments just to steal TV remotes?
- Carly Shay: A remote control freak.
- [chuckles]
- Carly Shay: [Spencer sprays cream on Carly's nose]
- Sam Puckett: [to Lewbert after he freaks out from seeing Marta] What's wrong with you? I mean, other than all the usual stuff that's wrong with you?
- Carly Shay: [as Carly, Sam and Freddie are watching the hidden cameras and Marta is forcibly giving Lewbert a haircut] Who gives haircuts by force?
- Sam Puckett: I don't know, but if this was a real TV show, it'd be more popular than anything on NBC.
- Carly Shay: [to Marta] So here's the thing. When we called you and said you should come to Seattle and hook back up with Lewbert, we were wrong to do that.
- Marta: Oh. No, well, I've been trying to find Lewbert for the better part of 10 years and I never would have found him without you.
- Carly Shay: Yeah, I know, but I think Lewbert's... you know, changed since you guys dated. And now, maybe you're not so right for each other.
- Marta: You skunk bag!
- Carly Shay: Huh?
- Marta: I know exactly what's going on here.
- Carly Shay: Well, then explain it to me 'cause...
- Marta: You want me out of the picture so you can have Lewbert to yourself.
- Carly Shay: Huh... Lewbert for my... I'm 15!
- Spencer Shay: Hey, Chuck.
- Chuck: Oh. What's up, Spence?
- Spencer Shay: You were supposed to meet me on the 9th floor 20 minutes ago.
- Chuck: Yeah, I just have to take out this garbage first.
- Spencer Shay: In a pillowcase?
- Chuck: I meant laundry.
- Spencer Shay: But that's not your apartment.
- Chuck: I know. I'm doing laundry for the people who live here while they're in Wisconsin.
- Spencer Shay: And who lives there?
- Chuck: You know, Mr. and Mrs. Harlensenchester.
- Spencer Shay: No, the Harlensenchesters moved out over a year ago.
- Chuck: Dang it!
- Spencer Shay: TV remotes? Why?
- Chuck: 'Cause my dad grounded me and he won't let me watch TV for a month, and if I can't watch TV, then nobody gets to.
- Spencer Shay: But if you're the thief, then why did you join the building watch patrol?
- Chuck: 'Cause no one suspects a guy in a vest!
- Carly Shay: How long will he be in jail?
- Cop #2: For stealing TV remotes? Probably 30 days.
- Marta: I can wait 30 days.
- Lewbert: Ugh. How long for slapping a cop?
- Sam Puckett: Six months.
- [Lewbert slaps one of the cops]
- Cop #2: Oh! That's it. Let's go.
- [Lewbert is handcuffed and escorted out of the apartment building]
- Lewbert: Ha! See you, Marta!