The Thick of It (TV Series)

Episode #3.1 (2009)

Rebecca Front: Nicola Murray

Quotes 

• Nicola Murray : Katie's sixteen, she's the oldest. She's just left the school.

  Malcolm Tucker : Not going to a college, a university?

  Nicola Murray : Umm, she's a bit of a rebel.

  Malcolm Tucker : What sort of a rebel? What are we talking here, are we talking a pierced navel or holidays in Pakistani training camp?

  Nicola Murray : It's chiefly heroin. Although she has cut down since getting pregnant by that Nigerian people smuggler, because the track marks would have affected her porn carreer.

• Nicola Murray : I don't use lifts, I'm claustrophobic.

  Malcolm Tucker : You're what?

  Nicola Murray : Not hugely - I can be in rooms, you've seen that. I just don't do lifts, that's all.

  Malcolm Tucker : This lift is... I mean, it's fucking huge! This is bigger than some rooms! This is bigger than some people's flats!

  Nicola Murray : It's about not being able to get out.

  Malcolm Tucker : Oh, well that's great. That's fucking great. That's another fucking thing, right there. Not only you've got a fucking bent husband and a fucking daughter that gets taken to school on a fucking sedan chair, you're also fucking mental! Jesus Christ, see you, you are a fucking omni-shambles, that's what you are. You're like that coffee machine, you know, "From bean to cup, you fuck up."

• Nicola Murray : I'm not nervous, you know, it's just Malcolm's sort of one of those things that I'm aware of without ever having really coming to contact with. Like a rat.

  Oliver Reeder : No, he'd hate that. He thinks of himself as a sort of thin white Mugabe.

• Malcolm Tucker : Is that you chair?

  Nicola Murray : Oh god, yeah. It's cool, isn't it? It's got lumbar support.

  Malcolm Tucker : Bin it. People don't like their politicians to be comfortable. They don't like you having expences, they don't like you being paid, they rather you lived in a fucking cave.

  Nicola Murray : Okay, fine. So what should I be sitting on? Should I just get an upturned KFC bucket?

  Malcolm Tucker : A fucking normal chair, right? Not a fucking massive vibrating throne!

• Nicola Murray : I thought you'd know about the kids.

  Malcolm Tucker : It's just that you were a sort of late-ish kind of appointement. That didn't quite give me the time to to fuck the i's and fist the t's, as Robert Robertson might say.

• Nicola Murray : My family is off limits, alright? This job is not going to get anywhere near my husband and my kids. Just doesn't.

  Malcolm Tucker : Of course it fucking does, as per the wee bar code and the serial number under your right armpit you are now built and owned by this state and you're under the spotlight 24 hours a day, darling! You know what you are? You're a fucking human dart board. And Eric fucking Bristow's on the oche throwing a million darts made of human shit right at you!