- Leslie Knope: I think it'll be a bonding experience between me and Ron. Men enjoy it when a women is better than them at something they love.
- Tom Haverford: Maybe Ron shot himself.
- Leslie Knope: Hmm. He has seemed really depressed lately.
- Mark Brendanawicz: He was shot in the back of the head!
- Leslie Knope: You're right! He loves the back of his head, he would never shoot himself there.
- Ron Swanson: And just like that, the one thing I enjoyed about government is clubbed to death before my eyes.
- Leslie Knope: I shot Ron Swanson.
- Donna Meagle: You shot my Mercedes?
- [Donna tackles Leslie to the ground]
- Leslie Knope: Every November, they let him use their cabin so he can go on a secret hunting trip with all the guys in the office.
- Tom Haverford: Not all the guys. He's never taken me.
- Leslie Knope: Fine, all the men.
- [Enters Ron's office, where he is listening to sounds of turkey calls]
- Leslie Knope: . Ron, let's cut the bull. I want me, Tom and all the other ladies included on your hunting trip.
- Ron Swanson: Hunting trip? We're doing a trail survey, Leslie.
- Leslie Knope: You're literally listening to turkey calls.
- Ron Swanson: Is this not rap?
- Tom Haverford: You can't say your favorite kind of cake is birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.
- Donna Meagle: Mmm. I love breakfast cereal.
- Ron Swanson: You know Leslie, the Super Bowl is in a couple months, I usually watch it with my brothers. Maybe you can come by at halftime and shoot me in the head.