The Venture Bros. (TV Series)

Self-Medication (2009)

James Urbaniak: Dr. Venture, Rusty Venture

Quotes 

• Action Johnny : My dad's lab was like a pharmacological candy store, so I started real young. Next thing I know, I'm blowing lines of voodoo powder off the back of a monkey's paw I bought in Calcutta. Now I'm all out of wishes.

  Dr. Venture : I wasn't even allowed to wear long pants until I left for college. Is it any wonder I didn't lose my virginity until I was over 20?

  Lance Hale : So dumbass here is so freaked out by the mess, he forgets twenty years of detective training and actually picks up the shotgun with his bare hands. Well, I just instinctively reached out to stop him, of course. And so... that's how both our sets of prints ended up on the murder weapon.

  Ro-Boy : I tried to be good, I just couldn't help myself sometimes. When I see a giant robot I just get so mad, I wanna beat them up! And then I wanna burn them! Sometimes I wanna burn the whole world!

  Wonderboy : I mean, I can't even get an erection now unless I'm tied to a chair with a time bomb taped to my chest.

• Dr. Venture : Dr Z is right. You know, I should thank you guys. You all made me realize something important tonight: I am not alone.

  Action Johnny : Band of brothers, man.

  Dr. Venture : No, I mean, what the hell am I doing in therapy in the first place? I'm no drug addict, I don't have an eating disorder, and as much as I resented my father I never wanted to kill him! And most importantly, I grew up! I'm not a boy adventurer, I have my own business and my own family! And if you'll excuse me, I think it's high time I got back to them.

• Action Johnny : Hey, how are those balls doing, Rust?

  Dr. Venture : Spirit is up and roving, but Opportunity hasn't come back online yet.

• Action Johnny : Dudes, get back! That is a Vietnamese Two-Step Viper! One bite, and you're dead before you take two steps.

  Dale Hale : There's no such thing.

  Action Johnny : Yeah, I'm making it up? It's right there, dude! That ain't a fucking hologram or an old lighthouse keeper in a rubber mask, okay?

  Dale Hale : I mean there's no such snake. That's an urban myth.

  Lance Hale : Bro's right. I Googled it.

  Dr. Venture : Hey, Encyclopedia Brown-Noser, can you Google this thing the hell away from me?

• Dr. Venture : ...well, Daphne I believe she got around quite a bit, but Velma? I always thought she was a...

  Action Johnny : Everybody did. But I've got a pack of herpes that say otherwise.