- Schemer: Wait, I have a receipt here somewhere.
- Stacy Jones: [in rummaging through his pocket he dropped it to the floor and she picks it up] Here, Schemer.
- Schemer: [takes it and puts his hand at his side still searching and glances at it after only a second] Oh, here it is.
- Mr. Conductor: Trains are good for getting from place to place in an interesting way. Boats are good for going *nowhere* in an interesting way.
- Mr. Conductor: You ride the water, you wait for the fish, and you learn to be patient. Well, wish me luck.
- Matt: You should take Schemer fishing with you.
- Mr. Conductor: Oh, I don't think so, Matt. He'd scare away the fish. He scares *me* away.
- Tanya: But don't you think Schemer needs to learn to be patient?
- Mr. Conductor: I should say so.
- Harry Cupper: When someone you know needs help, and you know you can help them, there's something inside you that naturally volunteers to do it. At least that's the way it's been with all the best people *I've* known.
- The Mayor of East Shemp: And tell Mr. Schemer that if he doesn't have a new, improved version of his sandwich-spread in time for lunch, he's in big trouble. And not only with me, but also with every one of the Friends of the Flowering Cactus Ladies Auxiliary, and that's not funny. Believe me; I speak from experience.
- Matt: [seeing him on his knees raising then lowering his forearms, fists, and head in despair] Schemer, are you doing your exercise?
- Stacy Jones: [glances at him amused on the phone] ... Why, sure, I'll tell "Horace" to call you... Yes. Thank you very much, Mrs. Schemer; bye-bye.
- [hangs up]
- Stacy Jones: "Horace"?... Come on, kids, we've got work to do.
- Schemer: I can't believe it. I can't believe you told her that.
- [in toying with the phone distractedly he slams on his hand and yelps in pain]
- Schemer: Oh, this is the worst day of my life!
- Stacy Jones: All right now, we're gonna need a bowl... Come on, Matt and Tanya; we've got some shopping to do.
- Schemer: Hey, what am-what am I supposed to do?
- Stacy Jones: Um, stay calm... Horace.
- [she and the kids head off laughing]
- Schemer: [tasting his spread Stacy and the kids recooked] I am, a genius.
- Tanya: No you're not; Stacy is!
- Stacy Jones: [chuckles] Let's just say *Horace's mother* is a genius.
- Mr. Conductor: So you see, even Gordon can learn to help someone besides himself.
- Tanya: Do you think Schemer ever will?
- Mr. Conductor: Stranger things have happened. Not that I can think of any.
- [last lines]
- Stacy Jones: When I was a little girl, I wanted to make a lemon-meringue pie. The recipe said "Use 5 egg-whites". Do you know what I did? I put in five eggshells! I thought that was the white part.
- Schemer: Well, how did it turn out?
- Stacy Jones: [laughing] Schemer, the white of the egg is the clear part, not the eggshells. It was awful.
- Schemer: [the others laugh] ... Oh!
- [everyone laughs including him]