Shining Time Station (TV Series)

Wrong Track (1991)

George Carlin: Mr. Conductor

Quotes 

• Mr. Conductor : I'd hate to have been to a party I missed, especially since I was just invited to another party.

• Becky : You mean you're going to play leapfrog with real frogs?

  Mr. Conductor : Yes. And I'm sure we'll have a leaping good time.

• Mr. Conductor : Of course, you have to be an expert to work the balloon. And I, I may not be an EXPERRRT!

  [the hot-air balloon crashes into the ceiling and he falls onto the information desk] 

  Kara : [the three run over]  Mr. Conductor, are you all right?

  Mr. Conductor : Oh, yes. Just a little winded. I've heard of being taken for a ride, but that's ridiculous.

• Mr. Conductor : Becky, I've seen happier faces in a frowning-contest.

• Becky : Have you ever gotten carried away?

  Mr. Conductor : Of course. Just now, playing leapfrog. I leaped too far and landed in the mud. The frogs had to carry me away.

• Mr. Conductor : I know! You could use your magic and *make* me more money.

  Becky : You don't really want me to do that, do you?

  Mr. Conductor : Wanna bet?

  Becky : No...

• [last lines] 

  Mr. Conductor : [appears]  I hope we're not late for the party.

  Becky : Just in time, Mr. Conductor. I want to thank you for your help. Would you like some fruitcake?

  Mr. Conductor : We'd love some fruitcake.

  Becky : "We"? Who's "we"?

  Mr. Conductor : [gesturing then turning around puzzled to see he's alone]  Well, my - guests and... me. Where *are* they? They were just here...

  [everyone else at the table laughs at a frog that climbs from the cider up Schemer's arm]