- Stacy Jones: This is terrible.
- Mr. Conductor: [appears eating] What's terrible? The price of ice-cream? I agree.
- Dan Jones: Say it isn't true, Mr. Conductor, please.
- Mr. Conductor: But it is, I'm afraid.
- Stacy Jones: How could you?
- Mr. Conductor: It isn't easy, I admit, but I try to eat only one a day.
- Mr. Conductor: Hello, and goodbye. I know when I'm not wanted. Take care of the switch-house for me. Polish the windows; they like that.
- Dan Jones: Mr. Conductor, we were wrong; you didn't do those terrible tricks.
- Mr. Conductor: Oh? Well, you could've fooled me. I was sure you were all sure that I did. That's four against one, so you must be right. I'll just have to keep a closer eye on myself.
- Mr. Conductor: [to Dan, Becky and Kara] He's not me.
- Mr. Conductor's Double: [to a real Mr. Conductor] Yes, I am.
- Mr. Conductor: I'm much taller.
- Mr. Conductor's Double: No, you're not!
- Mr. Conductor: You're fatter though!
- Mr. Conductor's Double: [looks at himself] No, I'm not! With the same.
- Mr. Conductor: We're not the same at all!
- Mr. Conductor's Double: Yes, we are!
- Mr. Conductor: No, we're not!
- Mr. Conductor's Double: Yes, we are!
- Mr. Conductor: I can prove it! That cutout fits my outline perfectly. Won't fit yours.
- Mr. Conductor's Double: Will, too!
- Mr. Conductor: Will not!
- Mr. Conductor's Double: Will, too!
- Mr. Conductor: Be my guest.