- Jayeson Jackson: Er, what are you looking at?
- Kylie: Dunno. Hasn't got a label on it. Oh, yes it has - it says huge twat!
- Simon Doonan: [Simon and Mickey lean in to kiss, only to be interrupted by an ambulance siren which Simon mistakes for the police] Oh no I'll go to Reading Gaol!
- [Simon falls off the roof]
- Adult Simon: And that, ladies and gentleman, is how I got my gash.
- Simon Doonan: [Simon's adult self appears to him in a vision during a storm] Who are you?
- Adult Simon: I guess you could say I'm the ghost of homosexual future.
- Adult Simon: [Teen Simon expresses his fears, while his adult self reassures him] You can be happy. And you will. Trust me.
- Simon Doonan: Why should I?
- Adult Simon: Simon - I'm you!