Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist (TV Series)
Community Theater (1998)
Jonathan Katz: Dr. Katz
Quotes
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Tom Kenny : I spend some time in Los Angeles, a place that I just can't get a beat on. It's a large metropolitan city that can be crippled by two drops of rain.
Dr. Katz : Mm-hmm.
Tom Kenny : You can be driving along, two drops of rain on your windshield, blip blip, you turn on the wiper, it's gone, go home, turn on your television: "Rain POUNDS the south land! Is there ANY end in sight?"
Dr. Katz : Right.
Tom Kenny : Meanwhile, I call up my seventy-two year old father in Syracuse, New York, he's just finished shoveling the roof!
Dr. Katz : Mm-hmm.
Tom Kenny : And he doesn't see anything weird about that, because that's just something you deal with in a place that has a CLIMATE. "How's it going, dad?" "Oh, pretty good, just shoveled the roof, we had some snow up there. Mary Corona next door was feelin' poorly, so as long as I had the ladder out, I went and shoveled her roof, too. How are things going out there in California?" "Jesus, dad, haven't you heard? Rain is pounding the south land!" We are on a Defcon 4 drizzle alert, dad! We are all on needles and pins!" And God forbid there should be a REAL disaster.
Dr. Katz : Yeah.
Tom Kenny : Like a real earthquake. 'Cause even the tiniest, most infinitesimal, inconsequential of earthquakes are, are, are of huge importance!
Dr. Katz : Mm-hmm.
Tom Kenny : They will stay on the air for, like, nine hours straight telling you about some dinky little quake out in the desert somewhere. "Here's more on that 1.9 level quake out in Smallville. You can see from the, uh, A&P Mini Market, you can see that can of Juicy-Juice on the bottom shelf just go over and hit the floor and roll. We have Cary Berglund there at that A&P Mini Market, he was there and he saw that can of Juicy-Juice hit the linoleum. Cary?" "Actually, the Juicy-Juice is in aisle six, I was in aisle five, I did not, uh, I did not see the Juicy-Juice fall, but God knows I HEARD it. And it is a sound I hope NEVER to hear again. Tim?" They have NOTHING to say.
Dr. Katz : Right.
Tom Kenny : And then, YOUR news, the news you're watching to be informed about the world, becomes the "what if" news! "Today's earthquake out in the desert was a 1.9, just a small temblor, according to seismologists at UCLA. But what IF it had been a 9.1? Would you survive? Would your family survive? Our 25-part series "surviving the big one" starts this week on channel 7 news. We urge you and your family to watch! What if the big quake hit? What if you were working in a store that sold nothing but sharp jagged knives made of glass? Would you survive? Would your family survive?"
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Stanley : I have a little expertise in direction. Perhaps, uh, uh, you and Julie could maybe, uh, just improvise that scene...
Dr. Katz : No, I wouldn't, uh, I wouldn't ask Julie to do that.
Julie the Bartender : No, would that help you, Jon? I don't mind doing it.
Dr. Katz : Oh, it would be an enormous help, but I don't think I would be comfortable asking you to do that.
Stanley : Come on, she says she wants to do it.
Julie the Bartender : Yeah, that's okay.
Dr. Katz : [hands her pages] Okay, page eleven. And in the scene before this, I've confessed to my cousin, but really to myself, that I'm attracted to you.
Julie the Bartender : Ah.
Stanley : Let me sit over here, I wanna get a good seat here.
Dr. Katz : Okay.
Stanley : Why don't you stand a little closer together? Get a little closer together.
Julie the Bartender : Okay.
Stanley : And Katz, first line is yours, and action.
Dr. Katz : "You look so... radiant, Marie. How are you?"
Julie the Bartender : "I'm okay. Y'know, I didn't sleep very well last night. How about you?"
Dr. Katz : "I'm fine, but we need to talk, Marie. We really need to talk."
Julie the Bartender : "About?"
Dr. Katz : "I just thought that ever since Harry died, I, I, I feel like you've... been..."
[Julie giggles]
Dr. Katz : "It's just that... ever since Harry died, I feel like you've been keeping me at a distance, almost pushing me away."
Julie the Bartender : "I don't know what you're talking about, Oscar. I mean, that's just crazy."
Dr. Katz : "Why do you think I have my pants altered on such a regular basis?"
[Julie giggles]
Dr. Katz : Um...
Julie the Bartender : Sorry.
Dr. Katz : I'll feed you that line again.
Julie the Bartender : Okay.
Dr. Katz : "Why do you think I have my pants altered on such a regular basis?"
Julie the Bartender : "I don't know, why?"
Dr. Katz : "Because it's an excuse to see you, to spend time with you, to be near you."
Julie the Bartender : "Well, is that true?"
Dr. Katz : "Yes, yes it is."
Julie the Bartender : "Because I feel like there have been times when I feel like I can't go another day without seeing you. It's just that our lives are so..."
Dr. Katz : "Look at me, look in my eyes, and tell me that you don't love me."
Stanley : Marie approaches Oscar slowly.
Julie the Bartender : Jonathan, do you know how long I've dreamed of this moment? Do you have any idea?
Stanley : They kiss, passionately.
[is surprised when they actually kiss each other]
Stanley : This is good, this is good, you guys have a chemistry or something. I felt, I was moved, especially the part where you called Oscar "Jonathan".
Julie the Bartender : No, I did not.
Dr. Katz : That was an innocent mistake.
Stanley : Yeah, "innocent", what did Freud call those? Oh yeah, something "slips"?
Dr. Katz : That was not a Freudian slip. A Freudian slip is when you say not what you intended, but what you actually mean.
Julie the Bartender : Yeah. Yeah, that's right.