How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Rabbit or Duck (2010)

Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby

Photos 

Quotes 

• Robin Scherbatsky : So that settles it. Don's a rabbit.

  Ted Mosby : I wouldn't be too sure. Don... Donald... Donald Duck? And what, I wonder, does Donald Duck never wear?

  Lily Aldrin : Pants!

  Ted Mosby : Pants. Don's a duck. Requesting permission to lawyered.

  Marshall Eriksen : I'll allow it.

  Ted Mosby : Lawyered!

• Marshall Eriksen : I mean, look, when you first met Don, you hated him, you thought "This guy's a duck", but one of these days you're gonna realize "This is actually someone that I love, he's a rabbit".

  Ted Mosby : Wow I think you got it backwards there, buddy. The duck is the thing you love, the rabbit is the thing you hate.

  Marshall Eriksen : What?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Yeah I got to agree. Duck's up, rabbit down.

  Lily Aldrin : Definitely. Ducks are better than rabbits.

  Marshall Eriksen : I got... ducks are... ducks are... rabbits are adorable. Ducks are aargh. Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? I mean, ducks are... jerks.

  Narrator : This lead to one of the most intense arguments our group has ever had.

  [Flash forward, everyone is yelling] 

  Ted Mosby : Duck is delicious. Rabbit is all gamey.

  Marshall Eriksen : We're not talking about flavour, Ted!

  Ted Mosby : Flavour counts!

  [Flash forward, yelling] 

  Marshall Eriksen : Who carries a duck's foot for good luck? Anyone?

  Robin Scherbatsky : [Flash forward, yelling]  You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. I wrap myself in one stuffed with duck feathers. Who's cosier? No, no, no, no, no, no... who's cosier?

  Ted Mosby : [Flash forward]  Hold on, I've got to get another book.

  Ted Mosby : [Flash forward]  Then why don't we take, a rabbit, a duck, stick 'em in a cardboard box and let them fight it out?

  Marshall Eriksen : Because it's illegal, Ted!

  Ted Mosby : Only if we bet on it, Marshall!

  Marshall Eriksen : [Flash forward]  FINE! I CAN SEE IT! YOU WIN!

• Barney Stinson : OK I've enlisted Ranjit's services as my personal driver because for the next week I'll be sleeping with hundreds of women and I don't want to take the subway cause... you know... germs!

  Ted Mosby : Wait, you're... you're actually gonna hook up with these girls that call you?

  Barney Stinson : Oh, indubitably! I'm meeting the first one here any minute. Keep your eyes pealed for a red sweater. Based on her texts, she's dirty, dyslexic and want to 96 me, semi-colon and parenthesis.

• Waiter : And you, Sir? The rabbit or the duck?

  Ted Mosby : What?

  Waiter : It's a pre-fixed menu for Valentine's Day and we're already out of the steak, fish and chicken. So rabbit or duck?

  Ted Mosby : [Regarding his date]  Rabbit. Sorry, guys, I gotta go.

  [he leaves] 

  Marshall Eriksen : Why would Ted order the rabbit if he's just gonna run out?

• Ted Mosby : [gesturing to Robin's pint glass]  That beer looks a little flat.

  Robin Scherbatsky : It's Scotch.

• Narrator : Kids, I remember one time we all gathered at my apartment to watch the Superbowl. Well, not all of us...

  [Cut to Barney at the stadium holding a sign] 

  Phil Simms : Welcome back to Superbowl XLIV in Miami. Get a load of that guy! You think that's his real number?

  Ted Mosby : Well, that explains where Barney is.

  Robin Scherbatsky : Dibs on his wings!

• Ted Mosby : That right there is what free will gets you. Constant ego-shattering uncertainty. I'm done with that. I want what Ranjit has. I've spent my entire adult life looking for the perfect woman and I'm spending Valentine's Day scrubbing the toilet. I need someone else to find me that woman. Marshall, Lily, arrange-marriage me!

• Ted Mosby : Get out there and find me a girl. We'll double date on Valentine's Day. If I like her, I will marry her... if she's cool with it. And she will be. Cause I'll wear my nice blazer.