- Evelyn Pons: Javier Holgado, do you know what it is to get laid?
- Javier Holgado: Laid? Like on the floor?
- Evelyn Pons: No. The kind Jacinta needs to be in a better mood.
- Javier Holgado: That means Jacinta needs a boyfriend.
- Amelia Ugarte Roldán: You inseminated me, right?
- Jacques Noiret: [scoffs] How evil-minded. Why would we do something like that to you?
- Amelia Ugarte Roldán: For Samuel. Since you lost him and you didn't have Sandra, you needed a surrogate.
- Jacques Noiret: Oooph. You're really twisted. There are easier ways to make babies. What was that? Oh, right - sleeping with a student.
- Amelia Ugarte Roldán: [slapping Jacques] You disgust me!
- Jacques Noiret: [slaps her back] Let it be the last time you put your hands on me. Is that clear?
- Evelyn Pons: Are you sure we'll find a boyfriend for Jacinta on the Internet?
- Javier Holgado: Even my cousin Vero got a boyfriend, and she's uglier than a foot.
- Javier Holgado: [tweaking the dating site to attract responses for Jacinta] The sex thing. I think older people do like it. My big brother sure does like it.
- Evelyn Pons: So since Jacinta is so old, she must like it a lot.
- [Javier alters the entry to read "Sex: a bunch."]
- Elsa Fernández Campos: [answering the phone for Jacinta] She can't come. Do you want to leave a message?
- Elsa Fernández Campos: [drops jaw then recovers] That part of your body you're talking about, you cut it and feed it to the cat. Oh, and please don't call here again. This is a school. Thank you. Good night.
- [hangs up]
- Jacinta García: How elegant. You didn't even yell.
- Jacinta García: [coming upon Javier and Evelyn at the library computer] So, YOU'RE the ones responsible for the phone calls I'm getting from every pervert in Spain!
- Evelyn Pons: What's a pervert?
- Jacinta García: Well... Well, nasty people. Very rude people who think dirty things.
- Evelyn Pons: No. We're finding you a boyfriend, but we didn't put "nasty" or "rude" or anything.
- Javier Holgado: Just "a little dirty" so he can lay with you.
- Jacinta García: So he... he what? Oh, please. What gave you that idea?
- Evelyn Pons: One of the cooks said that what you need is a good lay.
- Javier Holgado: We put an ad on the Internet and a miner answered. I'm sure he's really dirty.
- Marcos Novoa Pazos: [coming across a film canister] Just thinking about what might be in there, it gives me the creeps.
- Iván Noiret León: [taking the canister] Maybe it's Uncle Adolf's Christmas dinner.