- Marcia: I'm really excited for you guys to meet my friends. They don't drink as much as you, but then again who does?
- Crowley: I'm closin' this place down. I'm shuttin' the doors next week.
- P.J. Franklin: What? Are you kidding?
- Kenny Morittori: You can't sell the bar!
- Crowley: I'm not selling the bar. I'm selling the building and closing the bar. I was gonna burn the place down, but then I remembered my parents live upstairs.
- Marcia: I'm really sorry about your bar, you guys, but I have to go. I've got a work thing.
- Kenny Morittori: Mike never told us. What do you do?
- Marcia: I'm a burglar.
- Kenny Morittori: What're you laughing at, Law School? Class doesn't start for a month. You're my twinkle light bitch.
- Stephanie Layne: Do you know anything about London that wasn't in a stand-up routine twenty years ago?
- Marcia: I have to tell you something, I was married before for two months to a blackjack dealer named J.D.
- Mike Callahan: Really? I used to smoke two packs a day, ten years.
- Marcia: Depression runs in my family.
- Mike Callahan: It's possible I have a teenage daughter somewhere in Denmark.
- Marcia: I have a ferret in my house, and I don't know where he is.
- Mike Callahan: Sometimes I wear biking shorts just to suck everything in a bit.
- Marcia: Okay, I'm good.
- Mike Callahan: Me, too. Let's be husband and wife.
- Marcia: Okay.
- [last lines of the series]
- P.J. Franklin: [voiceover] Sometimes it takes getting your priorities straight to truly appreciate what you already have.
- Brendan Dorff: Cheers, everybody.
- The Gang: Hey...
- Brendan Dorff: Bring it in, bring it in.