Alex Dunphy: Dumb guys go for dumb girls and smart guys go for dumb girls. What do smart girls get?
Phil Dunphy: Cats, mostly.
Haley Dunphy: [after breaking up with Dylan] I miss him.
Phil Dunphy: Yeah. He was your first real boyfriend.
Haley Dunphy: I keep expecting him to show up. He used to come by at night and I'd sneak out to see him.
Phil Dunphy: Yeah, I know.
Haley Dunphy: You knew?
Phil Dunphy: His car's thirty years old and doesn't have a muffler. And he honked.
Busboy: [about Dylan and his "date", Phil] They were talking about going to Graceland together.
Haley Dunphy: He only wants to go because he thinks it's an amusement park!
Cameron Tucker: Mom hasn't gotten here yet.
Mitchell Pritchett: Is she driving her jalopie, or did she take one of them new flying machines?
Cameron Tucker: Missouri is more cosmopolitan than you give it credit for. It's got a very vibrant cowboy poetry scene.
Mitchell Pritchett: You're not making the point you think you're making.