The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Engagement Reaction (2011)

Kaley Cuoco: Penny

Quotes 

• Howard Wolowitz : Mom also had just gotten some news that might've upset her.

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : What?

  Howard Wolowitz : It's not important.

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : Come on, Howard, I'm going to be your wife. You can share anything with me.

  Howard Wolowitz : Oh, you'd think that, but no.

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : You told her we were going to get married and she had a heart attack?

  Howard Wolowitz : You can't take that personally.

  Penny : How else is she supposed to take it?

  Howard Wolowitz : What you've gotta keep in mind is that ever since my dad left, I've been the whole world to my mother. I mean, she'd be threatened by any woman who can give me what she can't.

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : You mean sexual intercourse?

  Howard Wolowitz : Well, when you say it like that, you make it sound creepy.

  [Priya and Raj enter] 

  Priya Koothrappali : What happened?

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : Howard's mother had a heart attack because I have sex with him and she can't!

• Sheldon Cooper : Do you know where the phrase jibber-jabber comes from?

  Penny : Oh, my God, you're about to jibber-jabber about jibber-jabber.

• Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, let's go!

  Sheldon Cooper : To a hospital? Full of sick people? Oh, I don't think so.

  Penny : Okay, well, your friend and his mother are there. We're going!

  Sheldon Cooper : I can't.

  Penny : Oh, don't tell me you're afraid of germs.

  Sheldon Cooper : Not all germs. Just the ones that will kill me. The same way I'm not afraid of all steak knives; just the ones that might be plunged in my thorax.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Ah-uh, fine, I'll tell Howard you didn't come because you're more concerned about your own well-being than his.

  Sheldon Cooper : I would think he would know that.

  Penny : Okay, you know what? You are unbelievable. You buy all these superhero T-shirts but when it's time for you to step up and do the right thing, you just hide in the laundry room.

  Sheldon Cooper : Fine, I'll go. Just for the record, my Aunt Ruth died in a hospital. She went in to visit my Uncle Roger, caught something, and bit the dust a week later. The two of them now share a coffee can on my mother's mantel.

• Penny : You picked up your mother? Her own legs are barely able to do that.

  Howard Wolowitz : I was filled with adrenaline. It happens to be how women lift cars off of babies.

  Penny : Yeah, I'm saying it'd be easier to lift a car.

  Howard Wolowitz : What can I tell you? After I found the courage to put her pants back on, I was unstoppable.

• Priya Koothrappali : It's nice of you to show up for Howard

  Penny : Howard is my friend

  [she giggles] 

  Priya Koothrappali : Did I miss something?

  Penny : Howard Wolowitz is my friend, you know one time he tried to stick his tongue down my throat and I broke his nose?

  Priya Koothrappali : That's easier to believe than he's your friend

• Leonard Hofstadter : What took you guys so long?

  Priya Koothrappali : Oh, we were just chatting.

  Leonard Hofstadter : That's nice. What about?

  Penny : We were just comparing notes about how you are in the sack.

  [Penny and Leonard laugh] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : [uncomfortable]  That's funny.

  Penny : Yeah.

  Raj Koothrappali : [after Penny and Priya walk to their seats]  What if she wasn't kidding?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Doesn't matter. I'm the king of foreplay.

• Penny : Hey, do me a favor and take table 7?

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : You mean the one with my 118-pound rock-hard stud of a fiancé who's prone to canker sores and pinkeye?

  Penny : No, I prefer to look at it as the one with my ex-boyfriend and his gorgeous, successful, sophisticated girlfriend who makes me feel like a toothless Okie.

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : Do you want me to spill hot soup on her?

  Penny : Oh please, you're not that kind of person.

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : I know. But if she orders something low-fat, I'll totally give her the full-fat version.

• Priya Koothrappali : You know, my brother had a group of friends like this in India. They dressed up in leotards and goggles and called themselves 'The New Delhi Power Rangers'.

  Penny : You mean when he was little.

  Priya Koothrappali : Not as little as you'd want him to be.

• Howard Wolowitz : It was either a heart attack, or a heart attack like event.

  Penny : What's the difference?

  Sheldon : A heart attack like event is an event that's like a heart attack.

• Penny : You want to talk about crazy mothers, Leonard's mom wouldn't give him any sort of approval growing up... It makes him desperate to please women. That's why the foreplay goes on and on.

  Priya Koothrappali : It does, doesn't it?

  Penny : It's like he's trying to win a prize. A word of advice... don't doze off. You will never hear the end of it.