- Ed Wuncler: But we're Americans. We don't quit just because we're wrong. We just keep doing the wrong thing until it turns out right.
- Ed Wuncler: Tragically, we've just received word that the ref strangled himself, jumped off a bridge, then overdosed on amphetamines.
- Mr. Long Dou: Send my condolences to his family.
- Ed Wuncler: But fortunately, we've found a completely fair and impartial replacement.
- Uncle Ruckus: Hey there, Chairman Mao.
- Ed Wuncler: I present the Woodcrest Harmonious kickball team. First, coutesy of Blackwater, USA, the senior squad.
- Huey Freeman: Mercenaries?
- Ed Wuncler: They prefer the term "private kickball contractors".
- Ed Wuncler: I'm prepared to blackmail you with a picture of you wearing Kanye West Venetian sunglasses, nut-hugger jeans, and Louis Vuitton driving shoes.
- Ming Dou: In China, there is this place. I've never seen it, but I know it exists. It's called the glorious sports rehabilitation center. But really it's a prison camp for athletes who have shamed their country by losing. My grandfather told me if I disgrace him with failure, he will send me there.