Community (TV Series)
Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas (2010)
Chevy Chase: Pierce Hawthorne
Photos
Quotes
-
Abed Nadir : We're in the carol canyon. The plants here give off Christmas carols instead of oxygen.
Pierce Hawthorne : Will walking through here be expensive?
Abed Nadir : No, it's all public domain.
-
Abed Nadir : [opens present] It's the first season of Lost on DVD.
Pierce Hawthorne : That's the meaning of Christmas?
Abed Nadir : It's a metaphor. It represents lack of payoff.
-
Jeff Winger : Does the word "clearly" mean something different to you than it does to us?
Pierce Hawthorne : I think it's Arabic for "not clearly".
[offers high-five to Troy]
Troy Barnes : Dude, do not tarnish the high-five like that.
-
Pierce Hawthorne : Hey! Look what you did to the kid. What's your article gonna be called - "Worst Shrink Ever"?
Professor Ian Duncan : Hey, this is not my fault. This is what Christmas does to people. We put too much meaning into it, and it lets us down.
Jeff Winger : We beg to differ.
Professor Ian Duncan : What are you doing back here?
Troy Barnes : Saving Christmas.
Annie Edison : Everybody, point your magic Christmas weapons at him.
Professor Ian Duncan : Oh, brother. This is ridiculous. You are enabling a delusion.
Jeff Winger : The delusion you're trying to cure is called Christmas, Duncan.
Annie Edison : It's the crazy notion that the longest, coldest, darkest nights can be the warmest and brightest.
Britta Perry : Yeah, and when we all agree to support each other in that insanity, something even crazier happens.
Annie Edison : It becomes true.
Troy Barnes : Works every year. Like clockwork.
-
Professor Ian Duncan : Try telling that to your catatonic friend.
Shirley Bennett : I got a better idea. Why don't we sing it?
Britta Perry : Wait, what?
Jeff Winger : Yeah, let's not go overboard.
Shirley Bennett : Will you two commit to something for a change?
Jeff Winger : Let's sing it!
Britta Perry : Yeah, let's sing.
Troy Barnes : Can we sing while we blow Duncan away?
Jeff Winger : Absolutely.
[everyone fire their magic weapons at Duncan]
Shirley Bennett : You start, Britta.
[the characters break out in song]
Britta Perry : Christmas time is a time to sing. That's what Christmas is for.
Annie Edison : Christmas can even be a hannukkah thing. That's what Christmas is for.
Shirley Bennett : And for a huge percentage of this God-fearing planet it's about the birth of Jesus Christ.
Jeff Winger : But for the rest of us it's still a good time to remember that it's good to be nice.
Pierce Hawthorne : Music and cookies and liquor and trees. That's what Christmas is for.
Troy Barnes : Video games for two straight weeks. That's what Christmas is for.
Annie Edison : Hanging out with the people you love.
Jeff Winger , Annie Edison : And saying I love you.
Britta Perry : That's what Christmas is...
Shirley Bennett , Britta Perry , Jeff Winger , Troy Barnes , Annie Edison , Pierce Hawthorne : That's what Christmas is... That's what Christmas is for!
-
Jeff Winger : You are playing with so much fire.
Professor Ian Duncan : Shut up, Winger. Hands on the table. Eyes closed. Heads relaxing. Necks relaxing.
Troy Barnes : Don't relax Pierce any lower.
Pierce Hawthorne : Screw you.
-
Professor Ian Duncan : New family. New life. There's nothing left to do now but heal. And share the experience with as many reputable journals as possible.
Pierce Hawthorne : Great, look what you did to the kid. What's your article gonna be called? "Worst Shrink Ever"?
Professor Ian Duncan : Hey, this is not my fault. This is what Christmas does to people. We put too much meaning into it, and it lets us down.
-
Abed Nadir : Hm. This is disappointing.
Pierce Hawthorne : What do you care about Christmas, Abed? You're Muslim. Don't your people spend this season writing angry letters to TV Guide?
Abed Nadir : It's true. Religiously, I'm Muslim. But I've always been a fan of Christmas. And this is the most important Christmas in the history of the universe. I'm assuming that's why we're all stop-motion animated.
Jeff Winger : I vote we let it go.