- Barney Stinson: Oh, go on honey. Kiss him
- Narrator: Ummm, Uncle Barney didn't say kiss.
- Barney Stinson: Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him!...
- Narrator: Still not saying kiss.
- Usher: Sir, you need to leave. Now.
- Barney Stinson: This is outrageous! Who the kiss are you?
- Ted Mosby: Royce!
- Tony Grafanello: Stella!
- Royce: Ted?
- Stella Zinman: Tony!
- Jed Moseley: Tony?
- Barney Stinson: Ted?
- Ted Mosby: Barney?
- Barney Stinson: There's only one street where that is normal. Here's a hint: a big, yellow bird lives on it.
- Barney Stinson: Baggage is the cornerstone of America's greatest national product.
- Ted Mosby, Marshall Eriksen, Robin Scherbatsky, Lily Aldrin: Porn!
- Barney Stinson: Actually, it's porn. No women works in porn without having major baggage.
- Ted Mosby, Robin Scherbatsky: [Saluting] Major Baggage.
- Lily Aldrin: Sorry, Ted, you're screwed.
- Marshall Eriksen: No! You know what? Ted is not screwed. Do you guys wanna know why I'm always nice to everyone? It's because I don't care about baggage. I mean, most people, they see a person walking down the street with that big, heavy bag they're carrying, and they just walk on by. But not me. I look at them, and I say... I say: "Howdy, stranger. Can I give you a hand with that?" And do you know who taught me to be that way? A guy called Ted Mosby.
- [uplifting music starts playing]
- Marshall Eriksen: A guy who's uncynical and sincere and believed in things. And you know what, Ted? I believe that deep down, you're still that guy!
- Ted Mosby: [dramatically excited] I am still that guy.
- Marshall Eriksen: [pep talking] I think you wanna go out there and get that girl!
- Ted Mosby: I do wanna go out there and get that girl!
- Marshall Eriksen: Because she's the love of your life!
- Ted Mosby: Because she's...!
- [music stops playing in a beat, and Ted calms down for a minute]
- Ted Mosby: Well, okay. Let's, uh... We're three dates in. She seems nice.
- Marshall Eriksen: Because she seems nice!
- [music starts playing again, and Ted stands up, back to being dramatically excited]
- Ted Mosby: She does seem nice! You're right, Marshall. I gotta go get her. And I know exactly where she is.
- Ted Mosby: This doof in the red cowboy boots, this isn't me!
- Barney Stinson: So just to be clear,you are saying that you don't have a pear of red cowboy boots in your closet ?
- Ted Mosby: That's it. I'll have to move to another country, one where they're not showing "The Wedding Bride".
- Robin Scherbatsky: Good luck, Ted. That movie has gone worldwide. It's huge.
- Lily Aldrin: Maybe North Korea.
- Robin Scherbatsky: No, I heard Kim Jong Il saw it and it's his second favorite movie, right behind one of him running in slow motion in a field of turnips.