Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Howard the Duck (2008)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : [to the tune of the "DuckTales" theme]  Duck Tits, woo-hoo!

• Beverly : [to Howard]  What am I gonna do with you?

  Nostalgia Critic : Well, roasted or extra crispy comes to mind.

• Howard : Oh no, it's a quake!

  Nostalgia Critic : Don't you mean a quack?

• Howard : No one laughs at a master of quack-fu.

  Nostalgia Critic : Okay, the obvious joke should've been "tae quack do", but we'll let it slide.

• Nostalgia Critic : [about Dr. Jenning as the Evil Overlord]  My god, he's transformed into Cobra Commander!

• Nostalgia Critic : Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. A long time ago, a young filmmaker named George Lucas helped create a parallel dimension in a galaxy far, far away. It's a strange world with bizarre aliens and unbelievable creatures. A world that the sci-fi community will never, ever forg... Okay, the punchline is "Howard the Duck".

• Nostalgia Critic : So we see Howard in his parallel world where he lives in an apartment of in-jokes. He sits around drinking beers, smoking cigars, and reading the latest edition of Playduck. You know, a kids' movie!

• Nostalgia Critic : [in response to seeing a female duck's breast]  What is the point? You're making a kids' film starring a cute little ducky, and you start out with *duck tits*? Are you mad? What creepy pervert thought that up?

  [an image of George Lucas quickly flashes on the screen] 

  Nostalgia Critic : I mean, this movie is rated PG, right? This is considered PG material? Are you seriously telling me that showing female breasts is wrong, but showing Daisy's knockers isn't going to cause any psychological damage? I think the people who rated this movie had psychological damage! I mean... EEEEEWW!

• Howard : Every duck's got his limit.

  [cut to another scene] 

  Howard : No more Mr. Nice Duck.

  [cut to still another scene] 

  Howard : This is obviously no place for an intelligent duck.

  Nostalgia Critic : Yeah, um... Just to check, how many more puns are there going to be where you simply insert the word "duck" in the common everyday phrases...

  [a shot of Howard is shown with the message "1,358 More"; the Critic takes out a bottle of Jack Daniels] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Okay, I'm just gonna have this on standby. I hope you don't mind.

• Nostalgia Critic : [as Howard and Beverly chat with each other]  YOU KNOW YOU'RE TALKING TO A DUCK, RIGHT?

• Nostalgia Critic : For all the strange things George Lucas has done, whether it be bad...

  [shows off a poster for "Star Wars: The Clone Wars"] 

  Nostalgia Critic : ... unnecessary...

  [shows off a poster for "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"] 

  Nostalgia Critic : ... or just downright racist...

  [shows off an image of Jar Jar Binks] 

  Nostalgia Critic : ... nothing compares to the weird cinematic bomb that he actually made the strange choice of producing: "Howard the Duck". And if you think Jar Jar Binks was bad... he still is, but this is a creation that equally matches that theatrical travesty.

• Nostalgia Critic : [looking at Howard]  Look at this thing. It looks like Donald Duck's missing nephew, Drunky.

• Nostalgia Critic : Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Ducks are from some parallel dimension where apparently they have duck tits. And no shame.

• Evil Overlord : I am now one of the dark overlords of the universe.

  Nostalgia Critic : [imitating the Evil Overlord]  And your mother sucks cocks in hell! BLAAAAAH!

• Howard : Where am I?

  Beverly : Cleveland.

  Howard : Cleveland? Uh-huh, that's a perfect weird name for this planet.

  Beverly : Planet? No, no, that's a city. The planet's called Earth... I think.

  Nostalgia Critic : "Earth, I think"? Yeah, um... just to check, this idiotic waif isn't going to play any major part in this movie, by any chance, is she?

  [a shot of Beverly is shown with the message "Love Interest"] 

  Nostalgia Critic : [pouring a shot of Jack Daniels]  Okay, bottoms up.

• Beverly : [about the villain]  He's in a bad mood!

  Nostalgia Critic : I REALLY hope she dies.