Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)
Superman IV (2009)
Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic
Quotes
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Nostalgia Critic : [summation of the movie at the end] WHAT A FUCKING LOAD!
Linkara : This movie SUCKS!
Nostalgia Critic : Its morals are bullshit, its plot is half-thrown together, and physics take a back seat to mediocre special effects that you'd more likely see in one of Linkara's videos.
Linkara : Hey!
Nostalgia Critic : Get over it, comic geek. Your special effects suck.
Linkara : Bat Credit Card.
Nostalgia Critic : [screaming] A BAT CREDIT CARD?
[he goes insane and fires his gun around]
Nostalgia Critic : I'LL KILL YA! I'LL KILL ALL OF YA!
Linkara : He's the Nostalgia Critic. He remembers it so you don't have to.
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Nostalgia Critic : So if they're willing to give up their nukes, why the hell do they need Superman in the first place?
Linkara : Good PR.
Nostalgia Critic : Oh.
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Nostalgia Critic : So Superman tosses the missile into the sun and the evil Nuclearman is born. No, really, he's born. Fetus and everything. I'm surprised the sun didn't just push him out its vagina.
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Linkara : Wasn't there a nuclear war looming on the horizon? Come to think of it, why was there a war to begin with?
Nostalgia Critic : Because the summit failed.
Linkara : Summits fail all the time, that doesn't guarantee war.
Nostalgia Critic : [points gun at him; in southern drawl] We don't take kindly to logic in these here parts, boy. Now get back to watchin' Clark Kent actin' like an idiot.
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Superman : There will be peace when the people of the world want it so badly that their governments will have little choice but to give it to them.
Nostalgia Critic , Linkara : OH!
Nostalgia Critic : I see, we just didn't want peace bad enough.
Linkara : Of course, it all makes sense. Peace doesn't come about through economic interdependence or the spread of similar ideals, it's just wanting it
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Nostalgia Critic : What are we reviewing again?
["Superman IV: The Quest for Peace" appears on-screen]
Nostalgia Critic : Aw, fuck donkeys!
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Linkara : [impersonating the Nostalgia Critic] Hello, I'm The Nostalgia Critic; I remember it, so you don't have to. Did you know the Superman films have a parallel history to the Batman movies? "Superman" the movie was the first attempt to portray Superman in a serious light. The tagline was: "You'll Believe a Man Can Fly!" And that's exactly what director Richard Donner intended to do: convince the audience that the man they were seeing on screen could actually fly. But the price of this idea came too high for its producers, so Donner was booted off the franchise during "Superman II"'s production and replaced with Richard Lester. In "Superman III", more emphasis was put on comedy and Richard Pryor was even brought in. And boy, did it suck balls, but not nearly as much as the cinematic abomination I have to review today. Welcome to "Superman IV: The Quest for Peace", where we learn that wars aren't caused by differing ideologies, power-hungry dictators, or economic necessities. No, it's all because of nuclear weapons. Just nuclear weapons and the EVIL people who profit from them. And boy, am I not looking forward to this one bi...
[suddenly, static appears in the video and cuts to the real Nostalgia Critic, who glowers silently at Linkara]
Linkara : Oh, uh, uh, hi, Nostalgia Critic! Oh, I, uh, bet you're wondering what I'm... what I'm doing here.
[starts to take off his hat and tie]
Linkara : Well, see here, the thing is that, I review comic books and... and you review movies, and...
[the Critic pulls a gun on Linkara]
Linkara : And I figure if I was gonna review a comic book movie...
[the Critic cocks his gun]
Linkara : Yeah, I'll just quit right here.
Nostalgia Critic : Oh, no, you don't! You started this dumbass review, we're gonna finish it! But first, GET OUT OF THOSE CLOTHES!
[he fires his gun at Linkara]
Linkara : What the...? How did you...
Nostalgia Critic : OUT!
Linkara : [running off] I'm going, I'm going!
Nostalgia Critic : [putting gun away] Good.
