Lembit Öpik: Self

Quotes 

• Jon : [to Lembit]  It's good that you're not dwelling on it.

  Lembit : I am completely over it.

  Ian : After 19 years is it, presumably...?

  Lembit : 13 years and 4 days... roughly. I mean, I'm not counting, but...

  Paul : Somebody was!

• Jo : The overwhelmingly indecisive outcome of the election. In fact, we only know one result for sure, don't we, Lembit!

  [laughter] 

  Lembit : Could we get on with this? I've actually got an appointment in the Job Centre in about half an hour!

  Paul : They phoned earlier - they cancelled!

  [Applause] 

• Lembit : [On Esther Rantzan losing her deposit]  Someone has to say it - That's Life!

  [Audience Groans] 

• Lembit : The great thing about losing my seat is I can take a fee for this now, instead of getting this kind of abuse for nothing!

  [laughter and applause] 

• Lembit : Apparently, the plane crash was caused by the banner they were towing mixing up with the prop at the front. I mean, how slowly were they going? Backwards?

  Paul : Loop the loop maybe?

  Lembit : It still doesn't work.

• Ian : I'm interested in the human story of what Lembit is going to do now.

  Jo : Go for it, then.

  Lembit : Are there any head hunters in the audience? I've always wanted to do whatever it is you're looking for... I don't know yet.

  Ian : It's brutal, democracy, isn't it?

  Lembit : No, but you are!

  [audience react] 

  Lembit : You were horrible to me the *last* time I was on the show as well.

  Ian : I don't believe it! It's the sort of lies you politicians tell!

  Lembit : I'm not a politician!

  [Cheering and applause]