- Hank Moody: Oh, it's you again.
- Nun: Back for another blowjob?
- Hank Moody: No, no-no. Although that was very nice of you that other time, you give excellent head. For a nun.
- Nun: Lifetime of service, Hank.
- Marcy Runkle: You remember the time though, when we went to Santa Barbara, and Mr. Anally Fixated over here got us kicked out of the hotel pool?
- Charlie Runkle: I cannot speak of such things in front of the young lady.
- Marcy Runkle: Why? She knows what a disgusting perv you are.
- Becca Moody: I do. I made peace with it a long time ago. It doesn't mean you're not a nice man.
- Hank Moody: Pity those poor kids, who are never gonna forget this image of this big naked man-baby rising up from the water like the creature from the pasty white lagoon.
- Hank Moody: What did she say?
- Charlie Runkle: She wanted to play home invasion. Yeah, you break in, pistol-whip me, tie me to a chair, and then I have to watch while you rape her.
- Hank Moody: What is wrong with kids today?