Andy Richter: [Whispering to Zach] I didn't even know it was a church, she didn't even tell me...
Himself - Host: [Interrupts him] shh, shut the fuck up
Himself - Host: [to the camera] Welcome to another episode of Between Two Ferns, I'm your host Zach Galifianakis, I'd like to welcome my guest, Conan O'Brien.
Andy Richter: [stands up and claps]
Conan O'Brien: [to Andy] I didn't know you were here.
Andy Richter: [to Conan] you don't own me.
Conan O'Brien: [to Zach while looking at Zach's blue sport coat] How are you, good to see you, congratulations on the new "role," I understand your playing "Poppa Smurf", the live action "Poppa Smurf" movie.
Himself - Host: [annoyed] Steve Allen, Jack Parr, Johnny Carson, Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien.
Himself - Host: [to Conan] I was just listing my favorite Tonight Show hosts in order.
Conan O'Brien: [Sarcastically to Zach] Alright well thank you for having me on the show, great to be here, I'm having a really good time hosting The Tonight Show, we're having a lot of laughs, we've taped about forty shows so far, two of them quite good.
Andy Richter: I remember those.
Himself - Host: [to Conan, feeling belittled] did anyone ever tell you seem like the black Byron Allen?
Conan O'Brien: [to Zach] People make fun of my complexion I'm pretty pale, I use an SPF 125 when I go to the beach, it actually shoots light back at the sun.
Himself - Host: [Presses the red button] this is the sound of crickets riding on a tumbleweed.
Conan O'Brien: [Sarcastically] That's helpful.
Himself - Host: [to Conan] When you go home at night, you watch yourself, do you...
Conan O'Brien: Do I what?
Himself - Host: [Implying masturbation] Touch it?
Conan O'Brien: OK...
Himself - Host: I'm just asking because Andy and I go to dinner on the weekends sometimes and he tells me a few "things."
Conan O'Brien: [to Zach, referring to Andy] So you guys are "pals"? That's it? You guys are "pals and get together at the Waffle House...
Himself - Host: Andy and I have the same trainer
Conan O'Brien: the same trainer?
Conan O'Brien: [Sarcastically, seeing how out of shape fit Andy and Zach are] He must be an awesome trainer, working out with you two guys.
Himself - Host: Yeah he actually is pretty good