- Dana: Your girlfriend's pretty clever. For her last meal she asked for a McRib and a Shamrock Shake. That should buy her a few months. Those two are almost never available at teh same limited time.
- Jimmy Chance: Hey, I talked to a cute girl at the grocery store yesterday.
- Burt Chance: Has she killed anyone?
- Jimmy Chance: [after child Jimmy pulls his head out of the hole in the floor of the car, flashes to adult Jimmy] I can't believe I'm alive.
- Jimmy Chance: [coming home from work] There's gotta be more to life that cleaning the same pool over and over again.
- Virginia Chance: [leaving for work] There isn't.
- Maw Maw: Who the hell are you?
- Mike Chance: I'm Mike, Jimmy's cousin. You and I are related by divorce or something. I live in a tent in your laundry room.
- Virginia Chance: [about the baby] Go drop it at the fire station.
- Virginia Chance: [to the baby] You wanna go see the fire trucks, pun'kin? Hmm?
- Jimmy Chance: Well it sure looked like you knew what you were doing in there.
- Virginia Chance: We sang a song anybody can sing a song. Charles Mason can sing a song.
- Burt Chance: He's actually pretty darn good. Mike has his album.
- Virginia Chance: He is good, but that doesn't mean you want him helping you raise your child.