Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Pound Puppies and the Legend of Big Paw (2010)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : Wow, the pound looks awesome. I never knew all the fun I was missing out on all this time. Come on, let's all go to the pound right now.

  [cut to a still shot of cages. Dogs whimpering and howling in misery can be heard in the background, then we see stills of dogs behind cages] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Man, fuck this. I'm getting a turtle.

• Cooler : Okay, so a fat guy and a skinny guy are heading out of town on a motorcycle...

  Nostalgia Critic : Wait, wait, I've heard this one. The punchline is pineapple, right?

• Cooler : Us Coolers are descended from King Arthur's puppy, Digalot.

  Nostalgia Critic : [giving himself a facepalm]  Who wrote this?

• Nostalgia Critic : There's a bone in the stone? Why would anyone put a bone in the stone? What's the point? What, was Merlin drunk when he came up with that little tidbit?

  [he starts imitating a drunken Merlin while holding a bottle of Jaegermeister] 

  Nostalgia Critic : And he who pulls the sword from the stone...

  [hiccups] 

  Nostalgia Critic : ... will be named ki...

  [laughs drunkenly] 

  Nostalgia Critic : I just thought of something. What if... now, just hear me out... what if we put a bone in the stone?

  [laughs] 

  Nostalgia Critic : I don't know why, I don't know why! Everyone's gonna be like, "Why is there a bone in the stone? What's the point of that? Blah-blah-blah!" I'm gonna be all like, "Hey, that contains Puppy Power."

  [laughs drunkenly some more] 

  Nostalgia Critic : And everyone's going to be like, "Well, what the hell is Puppy Power?" Well, I'll tell you in a second.

  [starts smoking a joint] 

• Nostalgia Critic : [as McNasty]  I'm devoting my life to catching Smurfs!

• Nostalgia Critic : Remember Pound Puppies? Sure you do. Their marketing gimmick was much too clever to overlook: buy one of our cute, sad little puppies or else, they get the gas.

• Nostalgia Critic : The Pound Puppies' movie is just as big a sellout as you can imagine. And considering how it based on a show that was a sellout that was based on a toy that was a sellout, there's a lot of fucking selling out to be done here. So, why should these characters have been Korean appetizers? Let's take a look.

• Nostalgia Critic : Yes, apparently there's this thing called Puppy Power where dogs and humans can magically talk to one another... not too late to get a refund, folks.

• Nostalgia Critic : [imitating young boy]  Hi, I'm Pussy McPantaloon-Britches and I have no idea why we've jumped from talking dogs to Quest for Camelot's table scraps. Kinda weird.

• Nostalgia Critic : Oh God, just try to act like you give a shit, will ya?

• Nostalgia Critic : So we see our main characters from the original: Cooler, Bright-Eyes, Nose-Marie, Howler and Whopper. Yeah, they look nothing like the original designs, do they? In fact, nothing else is like the original show if you grew up with it. The owners are different, the time period is different, even the personalities, though little they were, are different. But who cares? They're having such a rockin' good time.

• Nostalgia Critic : Wait, a Pound Purry? Did she really just call a cat a 'Pound Purry'? What, did 'Pound Pussy' just cause too much controversy?

• Bones : Hey Lumpy, you know how we were talking the other day about how we're in every single, solitary movie ever: the fat guy and the skinny guy, who are both thugs?

  Lumpy : Yeah.

  Bones : Do you think that's a throwback to classic character development or just really shitty writing?

  Lumpy : I pick the latter.

• Numerous Characters : It's time. It's time. It's time. It's time. It's time.

  Nostalgia Critic : IS IT TIME?

• Nostalgia Critic : Well that's odd, it's almost... normal.

• Nostalgia Critic : Boy, who'd have thought that Cooler was an 'anti-catite'.

• Nostalgia Critic : [during McNasty's musical sing and dance]  Oh God, I never thought I would say this, but bring the rapping dog back.

• [after Whopper and Colette are captured again, Cooler and the gang show up, along with Colette] 

  Bones : I think we better go, Lumpy.

  Nostalgia Critic : Now, wait a minute! We just saw the mother get put away, now she's back with the group? What was there, a stargate in that bag or something?

  Lumpy : Move!

  Cooler : Come on, gang! Let's nail 'em!

  [they give chase] 

• Nostalgia Critic : So the bone is broken in half, which means that all puppy power in the world is taken away.

  Collette : I saw Whopper run...

  [suddenly, her speaking turns into barks] 

  Boy : What's going on? I can't understand Collette!

  Cooler : Hey, I can't understand Tammy and Jeff!

  Nostalgia Critic : [unimpressed]  Well, that's odd. It's almost... normal.

• Nostalgia Critic : So through a confusing chase scene, we see the thugs get half of the bone as well as Whopper and that mother dog.

  Cooler : We gotta find the bone and put it back together if we want puppy power back.

  Howler : What if we c-c-can't?

  Cooler : We have to! Or kids and puppies will never be able to talk again! It'll be like the way it was in the Dark Ages.

  Numerous Characters : Oh no!

  Nostalgia Critic : [in phony shock]  Oh no! It would be like... pretty much how it is now! Whoooh-oooh-ooh!

• Nostalgia Critic : It's a beautiful day in whateversvilles. The sun is shining, the clouds are out, the cars stop in mid-dissolve. It's absolutely wonderful.

• Nostalgia Critic : [about Reflex's reflex]  That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! No rhyme or reason.

  [fires gun into the air while drinking out of a human skull]