The Angry Video Game Nerd (TV Series)

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (2010)

James Rolfe: The Angry Video Game Nerd

Quotes 

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : "I am Error." Well, okay, maybe that's just his name. Maybe it's pronounced "Eeyore".

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Couldn't they have put this at the end of the game? I mean, what could be more dangerous than Death Mountain? They got it all mixed up. That's not to say the later stages aren't hard, but at that point you have more health, weapons and experience, but here, you're like a 4-year-old trying to fight Hulk Hogan!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : What do you call that? A rabbit's head? Wrong. A Pols Voice. What's that? A mummy? Gibdo. What's that? A ghost? Ghini. What's that? Well, it's like... like... What? It's called a Like Like? Yeah, I'm not making this up. It's coming from the instruction manual. What's that? A snake? Wrong. It's called a rope. Yeah. If you can't tell the difference between a snake and a rope, you're in trouble. What's that? A bat? No. They're called Keese. What do you call keys then? Bats?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Anything with a pattern has given me some psychological problems as a kid. Whenever I see wavy lines, I get pissed!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I don't want to go through the floor! But then again, what do you expect when you turn into a fairy when you're high? High up or high on drugs, either way, you'll see glitches.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : You can't beat your own shadow, and that's what this game is! It's your dark alter-ego that knows more about you than you know about yourself!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : You gotta collect P Bags. What are P Bags anyway? Piss Bags? That's right, Link collects bags of piss.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Look at that. That's funny. Somebody should make a T-shirt of that. Every time Link finds something, he has to hold it up. Imagine having him as a friend.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Could he possibly be holding his sword in a more suggestive position?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : How are you supposed to know all that without Nintendo Power? The townspeople don't help at all. They might as well say, "Get the Power! Nintendo Power!" Yeah, it's classic cryptic Nintendo horse shit!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Each town has a woman who restores Link's health. She always takes Link inside, and you never see what's happening in there. Is she giving him a potion? Is she performing a magic spell? No. We all know what's happening. Link is like, you know, getting a little of the old in-out in-out. Link isn't a little boy anymore, he's all grown up. He learns all these special moves like the down thrust, the up thrust, and in there, he learns the cunt thrust! Yeah, that should be the name of a band. But really, Link deserves some from all this hell he goes through. He's not going to get any from Zelda. Well, she is under a sleeping spell. But wait, what was Link doing there in the first place? No! Link's a poon hound!

• The Glitch Gremlin : [the Nerd has glitched the game]  Hmm glitches... You like 'em?

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Noooo!

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Let's see what happens when I go up here and turn into a fairy.

  [Link falls through the floor] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : I fell through the floor? I don't wanna go through the floor but then again what do you expect if you turn into a fairy when you're high? High up or high on drugs, either way you're gonna see glitches.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I always hated this part too. These guys always peak their head over the fence like Tim The Tool Man's neighbor and throw rocks! That's child's stuff I mean come on, throwing rocks?