- [the vicar is showing Reverend Candy around his very untidy house]
- Vicar: Room. Another room. Some sort of cupboard.
- Reverend Candy: Do you have a cleaner? Possible inexperienced or blind?
- [Pop Larkin and Mr Jerebohm are negotiating a price for the house that Pop is selling]
- Mr. Jerebohm: I'll stretch to twelve thousand pounds.
- Pop Larkin: Well, in that case you must find yourself a house worth twelve thousand pounds.
- Pop Larkin: Did I mention around these parts no-one ever dies? It's in the air, you see. They live forever - a bit like tortoises.
- Mr. Jerebohm: Fifteen thousand pounds is my final offer.
- Pop Larkin: No. I can get more from the demolition rats, you see. My builder, Big Ivor, is round the back with a bag of gelignite.
- [Pinkie Jerebohm looks imploringly at her husband]
- Mr. Jerebohm: [to Pinkie] Darling, you're rather undermining my own negotiating power.
- Pinkie Jerebohm: [whispers] Well, what do you want me to do? Pretend it's a pile of crap and I hate it?
- Mr. Jerebohm: [whispers] You could err on that side, yes.
- Pop Larkin: A bloke from Birmingham, he offered me a thousand pounds for the wood panelling alone. Same for the big window at the front. Don't mind me - I'm just making conversation.
- Pinkie Jerebohm: I'm worried about getting staff. Would they be available?
- Pop Larkin: Oh yeah.
- Mr. Jerebohm: Fiteen and a half.
- Pop Larkin: Seventeen thousand, cash, and I will take a "yes" or a "goodbye".
- Mr. Jerebohm: Cash?
- Pop Larkin: I never trust money I can't bury.
- [Pinkie makes imploring noises]
- Mr. Jerebohm: Yes.
- [Pinkie squeals with delight]
- [the Jerebohms arrive at the Larkins' house in their new Rolls Royce. Pop Larkin points to his much older Rolls Royce]
- Pop Larkin: We should put your Roller with our. See if they make a baby.