Quotes
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[Jeremy and Super Hans are rehearsing with their new band. Jeremy tries to play a saxophone but can't]
Super Hans : Jez, mate, can you stop jamming?
Jeremy Usborne : You can't stop someone from jamming, that's against jam law.
Super Hans : Dude, that's not jam, that's just total fucking marmalade.
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Jeremy Usborne : [has walked in on Mark and Gerard playing with action figures] Sorry to interrupt you playing, boys.
Mark Corrigan : We're not, we're just arranging our models. With some noises.
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Mark Corrigan : [sipping his tea] Hold on. I didn't think we had any milk.
Jeremy Usborne : Er... no, we do.
Mark Corrigan : No, we definitely don't, cos I couldn't have any Sultana Bran this morning. There's no milk in the fridge, except...
[realises Jeremy has used the breast milk for the baby]
Mark Corrigan : OH!
Jeremy Usborne : Mark, relax.
Mark Corrigan : This is Sophie's milk, isn't it?
Jeremy Usborne : Think of it as lady milk, from the human cow.
Mark Corrigan : Jeremy, this... it's... it's one step away from cannibalism!
Jeremy Usborne : Oh, right, so it's weird to drink milk from someone you know, but to drink milk from another species, some cow you've never met, that's fine, is it?
Mark Corrigan : Yes! Yes, it bloody well is!
Jeremy Usborne : Well, suit yourself.
[sips his tea]
Jeremy Usborne : Mmm, luxury milk!
[Mark grimaces]
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Mark Corrigan : What are you doing back from your new job so early? Fired already?
Jeremy Usborne : I'm back so early because I have the coolest job in the world and Ben is the coolest boss in the world. I asked him when I should come in tomorrow and he said "whenever you can make it." His motto is "The work never starts."
Mark Corrigan : That's his motto? What's his annual turnover?
Jeremy Usborne : Who gives a shit? We don't make money, money makes us.
Mark Corrigan : What does that even mean?
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Jeremy Usborne : I'm gonna to light up a fatty and crack open my brand-new Xbox. Good luck with the regression session.
Mark Corrigan : Look, I'm sorry if in an infantilised world I've somehow ended up with the non-cool toys, but why exactly is arranging a model of the greatest liberal hero of the 20th century somehow less cool than pretending on a computer that you're a Russian pimp stealing imaginary cars?
Jeremy Usborne : I dunno, dude, I don't make the rules.
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Jeremy Usborne : Enjoy playing with soldiers and wanking over Dobby on Facebook.
Mark Corrigan : For God's sake, Jeremy. That's disgusting.
[Jeremy leaves]
Gerard : Did you ever actually, er...?
Mark Corrigan : Well, you know, on occasion.
Gerard : Corfu '06?
[Mark nods]
Gerard : It's cool, man. I mean, I've never actually gone that far myself. But everything's cool in Dobby Club.
Mark Corrigan : [voiceover] Ugh, we're the Dobby Club. Or the Dobby Ring. Can two people be a ring?
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Jeremy Usborne : It turns out, the website, it's really mainly about the merch.
Mark Corrigan : Merch?
Mark Corrigan : Merchandise. Ben says "I'm all about the merch. Cut me and I bleed merch." I can't believe I had him at my mercy in the hospital and I let him go. If I'd know he was such an arsehole I'd at least have given his tube a little waggle.
Mark Corrigan : Yeah, murdering your enemies is quite a simple solution, which I guess is why in ethics and law it's so frowned upon.
