Peep Show (TV Series)

New Year's Eve (2010)

Matt King: Super Hans

Quotes 

• Super Hans : It's the heart of darkness Jez, it's the fucking dirt.

  Mark Corrigan : I don't wanna go into the heart of darkness!

  Jeremy Usborne : Oh come on dude sometimes you gotta flip the switch lift the rock and look what's underneath cause it's not always woodlice.

  Mark Corrigan : Look if that party is too much for Hans excuse me Hans, the crack addled maniac. I'm pretty confident it'll be too much for me.

• Jeremy Usborne : Who's the chick?

  Super Hans : That's no chick, man. That's the love of my life.

  Jeremy Usborne : Wow. And what does she...

  Super Hans : I don't know much about her, she don't speak English. We speak the language of love. And a tiny little bit of German.

  Jeremy Usborne : Right.

  Super Hans : I tell you, man, she is the one. I'd take a bullet for her. I'd take a bullet up the arris for her.

  Jeremy Usborne : Oh, that's nice.

  Super Hans : I'd take a fucking truncheon up the arris for this one. Or an umbrella. I would open an umbrella up inside my arris for this one.

  Mark Corrigan : Hans, we get the message, there's probably no need to list all the things you'd put up your bottom for your girlfriend.

• Super Hans : You want the knack, Mark? With women?

  Mark Corrigan : Well... yes, I suppose I do.

  Super Hans : Want the knack? Get smack.

  Mark Corrigan : Smack?

  Super Hans : Get smacked out of it, then you'll get the ladies.

  Mark Corrigan : Really?

  Super Hans : Maybe.

  Mark Corrigan : Right. I'm not sure I...

  Super Hans : I just love smack. I'm probably not the right man to ask.

• Super Hans : Oi, Jez! What the fuck?

  [makes the "penis entering vagina" hand signal] 

  Super Hans : Yoko says you were giving it all that at Big Suze's.

  Zahra : What? Jeremy, were you?

  Jeremy Usborne : God, no! It wasn't sex, you know, it was just... sexy hand signals.

  Zahra : Why were you giving her sexy hand signals?

  Jeremy Usborne : I... it was all a misunderstanding. I was in the kitchen, and I might have done a...

  [does the "OK" hand signal] 

  Jeremy Usborne : ... like that, for "OK", yeah? And then, there were lots of little sausages around, so maybe I put the sausage in the "OK" to ask "Would you like to put a sausage in your mouth?"

  Super Hans : You mean, see if she wanted to put a sausage in her mouth and then take it out and then put back it in again!

  Jeremy Usborne : Yeah!

  Super Hans : You know how I feel about her. You're gonna fucking pay for this.

  Jeremy Usborne : Look, it's not my fault she doesn't speak English! This kind of thing probably happens the whole time at the UN!

• Super Hans : I'm gonna write this place off send someone in there tomorrow with some disinfectant and a flame thrower. I got me sleeping bag I don't wanna know.

  Mark Corrigan : How was it?

  Jeremy Usborne : Fine let's go.

  Mark Corrigan : What?

  Jeremy Usborne : Look I don't wanna talk about it alright. I just want a cup of tea and some soda bread and sit down somewhere quiet!

  Mark Corrigan : What's going on in there are they doing it?

  Jeremy Usborne : Yes Mark that's right they're doing it. You really have no imagination whatsoever do you!

  Mark Corrigan : Well what are they doing then?

  Jeremy Usborne : Dude don't worry about them cause they sure as hell aren't worrying about you!. Let's just go Hans?

  Super Hans : Yep fuck yeah let's go.

  Mark Corrigan : Big Suze's?

  Super Hans : Don't mind where as long as it's safe. I just wanna be in a controlled environment have a Coke and a Tuna sandwich just mong out to some Snow Patrol.