Peep Show (TV Series)

New Year's Eve (2010)

David Mitchell: Mark Corrigan

Photos 

Quotes 

• Super Hans : It's the heart of darkness Jez, it's the fucking dirt.

  Mark Corrigan : I don't wanna go into the heart of darkness!

  Jeremy Usborne : Oh come on dude sometimes you gotta flip the switch lift the rock and look what's underneath cause it's not always woodlice.

  Mark Corrigan : Look if that party is too much for Hans excuse me Hans, the crack addled maniac. I'm pretty confident it'll be too much for me.

• Mark Corrigan : Nothing from Dobby since Christmas. I want to call again, but when I leave long messages, I have this nagging sense that I'll end up hearing them being played back to me in a court of law.

• Mark Corrigan : [discussing Jeremy moving out]  Maybe this is the kick up the arse we both need. I could turn your room into an office, finally nail Business Secrets of the Pharaohs.

  Jeremy Usborne : Right. OK, man, yeah, good on you, because obviously we've always been amazing mates, but also a bit like lead weights dragging each other down?

  Mark Corrigan : Exactly. Living together, it's been like... eating a vast portion of chips, very comforting but also there's this lurking sense that you're killing yourself. Right?

• Mark Corrigan : Fancy dress. It's like a joke for people with no sense of humour.

• Jeremy Usborne : Who's the chick?

  Super Hans : That's no chick, man. That's the love of my life.

  Jeremy Usborne : Wow. And what does she...

  Super Hans : I don't know much about her, she don't speak English. We speak the language of love. And a tiny little bit of German.

  Jeremy Usborne : Right.

  Super Hans : I tell you, man, she is the one. I'd take a bullet for her. I'd take a bullet up the arris for her.

  Jeremy Usborne : Oh, that's nice.

  Super Hans : I'd take a fucking truncheon up the arris for this one. Or an umbrella. I would open an umbrella up inside my arris for this one.

  Mark Corrigan : Hans, we get the message, there's probably no need to list all the things you'd put up your bottom for your girlfriend.

• Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Can't believe he's actually moving out. I'm going to be an unemployed single mother stuck in the flat eating Frosties from a salad bowl until I die from loneliness and two weeks later they break down the door to find Ian sucking on my cold, dead teats.

• Super Hans : You want the knack, Mark? With women?

  Mark Corrigan : Well... yes, I suppose I do.

  Super Hans : Want the knack? Get smack.

  Mark Corrigan : Smack?

  Super Hans : Get smacked out of it, then you'll get the ladies.

  Mark Corrigan : Really?

  Super Hans : Maybe.

  Mark Corrigan : Right. I'm not sure I...

  Super Hans : I just love smack. I'm probably not the right man to ask.

• [Johnson, a former alcoholic, picks up a glass of champagne] 

  Mark Corrigan : [grabbing hold of the glass in Johnson's hand]  Isn't it like kryptonite? Won't it kill you?

  Johnson : I'm not going to drink it, Mark, I'll just take a sniff for old time's sake.

  [Mark lets go. Johnson sniffs it, then downs it] 

  Johnson : More fool you, asshole.

• Jeremy Usborne : Remember that time we came back from Cinderella's and Pedge put his pants on the taxi driver's head and he couldn't see a thing?

  Mark Corrigan : Yeah, that would have been more hilarious had I not been literally weeping with fear.

• Jeremy Usborne : Come on, man, shake your booty! Tonight even Paxman's out, hoovering up lines of crank of Krishnan Guru-Murthy. Tonight's the big one.

  Mark Corrigan : Jeremy, all rational people agree it's a truth self-evident that it's impossible to have a good time on New Year's Eve. The pressure's too immense.

• Jeremy Usborne : Tonight, it's not about the bitches, it's all about the Hitches!

  Mark Corrigan : The Hitches? You think we're Peter and Christopher Hitchens on a big night out? And I suppose I have to be Peter.

• Super Hans : I'm gonna write this place off send someone in there tomorrow with some disinfectant and a flame thrower. I got me sleeping bag I don't wanna know.

  Mark Corrigan : How was it?

  Jeremy Usborne : Fine let's go.

  Mark Corrigan : What?

  Jeremy Usborne : Look I don't wanna talk about it alright. I just want a cup of tea and some soda bread and sit down somewhere quiet!

  Mark Corrigan : What's going on in there are they doing it?

  Jeremy Usborne : Yes Mark that's right they're doing it. You really have no imagination whatsoever do you!

  Mark Corrigan : Well what are they doing then?

  Jeremy Usborne : Dude don't worry about them cause they sure as hell aren't worrying about you!. Let's just go Hans?

  Super Hans : Yep fuck yeah let's go.

  Mark Corrigan : Big Suze's?

  Super Hans : Don't mind where as long as it's safe. I just wanna be in a controlled environment have a Coke and a Tuna sandwich just mong out to some Snow Patrol.