- Ted Mosby: I can handle you preventing me from fulfilling a life long dream, that's being in a relationship.
- Lily Aldrin: [to a woman eying their booth at MacLaren's] Excuse me waitress? I'll have a mojito and you'll have a no seat ho!
- Barney Stinson: [after being given gin by Lily and Robin in order to start fighting out their issues] Do you know what I had to go through to get you that job?
- Marshall Eriksen: Do you know what I had to do to will myself to show up everyday?
- Barney Stinson: Wear a wrinkled suit and not give a damn about what you hair looked like?
- Marshall Eriksen: [infuriated] I showed up with wet hair once! ONCE!
- Barney Stinson: [Robin explains what Barney turns into when he drinks peppermint schnapps; he's at the bar kissing women in the lips a la Richard Dawson] Hey there, Darling... how you doing?... is this your sister?... Beautiful!
- [goes to gang's booth]
- Ted Mosby: Hey, where are our chicken wings?
- Barney Stinson: Show me chicken wings!
- [gestures to Carl, who gives the wings to waitress]
- Robin Scherbatsky: Good order, Ted!
- [Gang cheers]