- [Joan and Del have been talking about Rodney's dirty nappy. Vi arrives to babysit. Ted comes into the room]
- Ted Trotter: [sarcastically] Oh, God, that's lovely to to wake up to, ain't it?
- Reg Trotter: It's only a shitty nappy.
- Ted Trotter: No, I'm talking about your nan. Eighteen months ago I walked out of that flat in Deptford to get away from her, and now she's here.
- Reg Trotter: Well, go back to the flat in Deptford, then.
- [Joan and Freddy are lying in bed]
- Joan Trotter: I've been working as your charlady for over six months now, and I still don't know how to switch your Hoover on.
- Freddie Robdal: No, but you're very good with that squeegee.
- [Beryl Bird, mother of Del's latest finacée Barbara, had just made a pass at Del. Bernard, Barbara, and Del's parents have just walked in on them to find Del with his hands on Beryl's breasts]
- Beryl Bird: [to Barbara] I never had your enjoyment. I never went to parties and had fun.
- Barbara Bird: Oh, not The War again! Boring!
- Beryl Bird: Oh no, it was much worse than The War. I got married. The Blitz was fun compared to him. I've spent the last 20 years trapped in this house. To him it's The Aviary. To me it's a cage.
- [Beryl glares at Bernard]
- [the Birds' housemaid opens the door for Del, who thinks it's Barbara's mother]
- Del Trotter: Fuckin' hell...
- Bernard Bird: You need a doctor.
- Beryl Bird: No, Bernard, I just need another drink.
- Bernard Bird: I forbid you, Beryl!
- Beryl Bird: Oh, fuck off, darling!
- [Del, Joan and Reg gasp]
- Freddie Robdal: Why'd you pawn the ring?
- Joan Trotter: I'm gonna get it back in a couple of weeks.
- Freddie Robdal: Why'd you pawn the ring?
- Joan Trotter: My son wanted to buy a Lambretta. He'll pay me back soon. Are they gonna hang you?
- Freddie Robdal: No, but after I get my hands on you, they might!
- DI Thomas: [to Robdal] I was never really like you, Fred. I mean, you got a reputation with the fairer sex. Well, I have as well, but not the one I wanted. Poor libido, very poor. Occasionally I've managed something that passed as passion, but a lot of women mistook it for a fit. So, this has been my lot for the past 20 years. Police stations that smell of onions, barrister's dandruff, hung juries, and a lazy lob.
- Joan Trotter: What about Reg? He might come down to Bournemouth looking for us.
- Freddie Robdal: He'll only come down once. That's a big ocean.
- Joan Trotter: Don't say things like that.
- Freddie Robdal: Reg knows what'll happen if he makes a nuisance of himself. I know you can find his IQ on a dice, but he ain't that stupid.
- [Joan smiles]
- Freddie Robdal: I'm out soon, and that's when our lives begin. Just keep thinking of us down on that beach. If it's a nice day, we can jump in the boat, sail out to sea, and have a picnic in France.
- Joan Trotter: [Faltering with joy] Oh shut up...
- Freddie Robdal: Then we'll sail back, in time for little'un to get into bed, ready for school in the morning. He'll love it.
- Joan Trotter: I know he will. He's got a name. Rodney.
- Freddie Robdal: [Half uneasy] Yeah, I know. You know, some people use their middle name instead of their first. Has he got a middle name?
- Joan Trotter: Charlton.
- Freddie Robdal: [Discreetly but obviously disappointed] Yeah, Rodney'll love it.
- Joan Trotter: But what about my Derek? My eldest son, I mean, I don't want to just leave him, not the way he is. I wanna make sure he's OK.
- Freddie Robdal: Well, he's a teenager. He can look after himself, can't he?
- Joan Trotter: No, I'd worry about him. I've got to make sure he's settled before we run off.
- Barbara Bird: Tell Del, good luck with "Dracula on the Moon."
- [Runs off crying]
- Joan Trotter: I'll give him "Dracula on the fucking Moon" when I get my hands on him!
- [DI Thomas is questioning Freddie and Gerald about the jewellery robbery in Margate]
- DC Stanton: We have an eyewitness to the robbery.
- Freddie Robdal: Really? And who might that be?
- DI Thomas: At this juncture we're not willing to give you any information about our eyewitness: whether it was a man or a woman, old or young, married or single. Absolutely nothing.
- Gerald Kelly: Why have they taken so long in coming forward?
- DI Thomas: Because him and his wife have just got back from a spell in the rest-home.
- [DI Thomas realises that he has just given away far too much information]