- A sign spinner spins out; A mob hit goes bad; Cloud seeding gets rocky; Recipe thief gets her goose cooked; A corporate spy hits the fan; Tobacco chewer gets chewed out; Mad scientist gets reanimated.
- 1000 Ways to Die looks at the following cases: "#298 Signed Off" a sign spinner accidentally slits his own throat when trying to impress a girl, "#412 Chef Boy-R-Dead" a chef trying to steal recipes dies when she hides in an dishwater, "#209 Par for the Corpse" a graveyard worker who likes golf dies due an allergy to fungicide, "#206 Dip 'N Die" a Minuteman dies after choking on his own tongue while chewing on tobacco, "#178 Dead Fella" a mob hit man is killed when a bullet ricochets off a car, "#555 Double-O-Severed" a corporate spy dies after getting caught in a ventilation fan, and "#441 Snakenstein" a scientist working on reanimation is bitten by revived rattlesnake.—Shatterdaymorn
- Way To Die #298: Sign Off-ed Date: September 21, 2005 Place:Ocean Beach, CA
Some people put their own spin on things to get attention, but some people spin things to get attention. Meet "Mickey", who's a sign spinner (It is an actual occupation, by the way), and Mickey was good at what he did. Mickey spun his sign to attact customers to a businesses open house, not to mention attracting the attention of a coffee shop waitress named Alice, hoping his mad skills would allow him to take a "spin" in the romance department with Alice.
Then one day, a challenger to Mickey's sign spinning throne showed up across the street: Raheem, better known around the sign spinning world as "The Dark Knight", and commenced to show Mickey what sign spinning was all about.
Mickey had the desire to show Raheem that he was better than him, as if his life depended on it, which it did. During one of Mickey's moves, he scraped the pointed part of the sign along the side of his neck. The next thing he knew, he was on the sidewalk, bleeding to death from cutting his neck with the sign.
It was a sadly spectacular ending to Mickey's sign spinning... and his life. Too bad he could only do it once...
Medical Dianosis:
Mickey didn't have to worry about cars, pedestrians, or other obstacles, it was the sign itself which became the problem. The exterior of the sign was covered with coroplast, which, after Mickey hit the point of his sign against the sidewalk one too many times, turned the point from safely smooth to dangerously sharp. When Mickey hit his neck with the sign, he severed his jugular vein and promptly began to bleed to death.
Way To Die #512: Chef Boy-R-Dead Date: March 14, 2004 Place: New York, New York
Faye was a chef, who worked for Jacques, a master chef whose anger was on par with the excellent cuisine he was known for. But unknown to Jacques, Faye had a business plan: steal Jacques' recipes, take them for her own, and go out and start her own restaurant. All she had to do was steal Jacques' PDA, where he had all his recipes stored, and tonight was the night she would make her move.
After closing time, Faye bumped into Jacques and snatched the PDA from his pocket. After Jacques left, Faye began to write down the recipes, until she had rattling at the door. Thinking that Jacques would catch her, she put the PDA on the floor and climbed in the only place where she could hide: the open dishwasher. She then closed the dishwasher door.
Jacques walked in and thinking he had dropped his PDA, picked it up and left.
The kitchen worker then walked in and thinking that there was a load of dishes in the dishwasher, started the dishwasher up. The next morning, the worker got to work to unload the dishwasher and got a load of what he found: Faye's corpse.
Wasn't Faye supposed to cook her goose, not get her own goose cooked...
Medical Dianosis:
A dish like Faye found out what a dish goes through in a dishwasher. First, she was pelted by 200 degree water, which caused the interior of the dishwasher to reach the same temperature quickly, her body got blisters due to boiling skin, and the scalding water got into the body, presumably through the mouth, and cooked the inside of her body. In the end, Faye went through something similar to what a lobster goes through in a pot of boiling water. Way To Die #209: Par for the Corpse Date: October 29, 2009 Place: Eugene, OR
Jim was just a guy who worked in a cemetery, a groundskeeper who took care of the grounds so the cemetery would look it's very best when people would say their last goodbyes to the dearly departed. But what Jim really wanted to just play golf. One day, Jim got an idea: Make the cemetery into his own personal golf course. It didn't matter that dead people was buried there, or he doing things that would really insult the living or disrespect the dead, Jim could play golf whenever he wanted, between the duties that being a groundskeeper ensues, like treating the ground with fungicide.
Then, on a nice day while playing golf, Jim discovered he had a high fever, and blisters forming on his skin. Jim chalked that up to the flu, and decided to take a nap, thinking that would make him feel better when he woke up. But when he woke up, Jim felt, and looked, like walking death. His blisters had turned into festering legions. As he struggled to find help and finding none, he collasped and died, becoming as dead as the residents of the cemetery he took care of.
But did Jim do something to make someone, or some force "teed off" enough to change Jim from the living to the dead?
Medical Dianosis:
If Jim should blame anyone, he should blame himself, and the allergic reaction he had to the fungicide he used (one out of ten people have a allergic reaction to fungicide), and the habit of walking around with golf tees in his mouth after taking them out of the ground.
The golf tees got cross contaminated with the fungicide containing Chlorothalonil, and because he was allergic to the fungicide, when Jim put the tees in his mouth, his adverse reaction to the chemical began. Flu-like symptoms appeared, followed by a necrotizing type of skin sluff, a severe form of dermatitis that's very rapid, which can cause the skin to be easily peeled off the body within an hour. But the effects are interior as well, as one can cut off their own air supply and die from asphyxiation, brought on by the allergic reaction.
Way To Die #206: Dip 'N Die Date: April 8, 2007 Place: The Arizona Border
If you like a person that likes to shoot guns, chew tobacco, hunt illegal immigrants, and is a member of that offshoot group The Minutemen, then you've met a friend in George Pucker. George Pucker liked nothing more than driving around over bumpy terrain with his gun and his chew hunting down illegals. That is, until that day that he drove over a big rock, and bounced off his seat. When he came back down, he bit his tongue and drew blood.
George's friends then caught up with him and asked him if he was okay and he assured them that he was. He was doing fine, for a few minutes, until George discovered there was something really wrong as it was getting difficult to breathe. A couple of minutes later, George fell out of his truck, dead due to suffication caused by a insignificant thing like his tongue.
Medical Dianosis:
George did not realise that he had a rare genetic condition called erectile glossitis, a condition which, in some cases, if the tongue is cut or injured, will cause the tongue, if it is irritated, to begin to swell up and clog the airways, causing asphyxiation in minutes.
Erectile glossitis could be considered the polar opposite of anaphyactic shock (The throat swelling up around the tongue, causing suffication.).
Way To Die #178: Dead Fella Date: September 19, 2004 Place: Atlantic City, NJ
Leo and Tony were enforcers, Leo the senior, and Tony the junior, and Leo was teaching the tricks of the trade to Tony. But today the two was going after a Mafia stool pigeon, Vito. Vito had went to the feds to squeal, putting Leo and his crew in danger, so Leo and Tony to put the hammer down on Vito.
Leo and Tony tracked Vito to his vehicle and laid in wait for Vito to drive by, making this a very easy hit. As Vito slowly drove by, Leo fired, and missed his target. Leo knew that Tony would hit his target and score the hit. Alas, that didn't happen.
As Vito turned off onto the street, Leo found out why Tony didn't fire: Tony didn't have a chance. Tony laid on the ground, in the final moments of bleeding to death from a bullet hole, but who fired the shot that made Tony lay low?
Medical Dianosis:
The feds, knowing that Vito would be marked for death because he squealed, did Vito a favor: they installed bulletproof glass in his vehicle. That and the fact that Leo and Tony used silencers on their guns for the assassination attempt caused Leo's bullet to ricochet. Silencers on a gun slow the velocity of the bullet, to help prevent the sound of the gunshot. But in this case, the velocity of the bullet had enough speed for the bullet to be deflected and then punctured Tony's carotoid atrery.
Way To Die Date: May 6, 2007 Place: New York, New York
Mark is a corporate spy, whose mode of operation is to get information for the companies that hired him
Contribute to this page
Suggest an edit or add missing content