- Death crashes a terrorist wedding; a big box falls on small heads; self-blood transfusion is never a good idea; a gangster spills his guts; a french killer loses his head; a very bad Santa gets iced.
- Way To Die #317: SP-Effed
Date: April 26, 2004
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Three women living together in Las Vegas would be a hot chick paradise, except when one of the girls, named "Shelly", was of the opinion that "What is yours is also mine", using the other's personal property as if it was her own. Whether it was food, clothes, or makeup, it didn't matter. If it was in the apartment, Shelly would use it at her leisure. That included one of her roommate's tanning bed. She used it constantly, but she used it one time too many.
On the day in question, Shelly accidentially fell asleep in the tanning bed, and woke up with what resembled a bad sunburn. After taking some of her roommate's pain pills, she went to bed to sleep it off. The next morning she woke up, with what appeared to be second degree burns on her body. Screaming in pain, she painfully got out of bed, and walked through the apartment, where she collasped into a roommate's arms and died.
But using the tanning bed wasn't the first fateful mistake she made that day...
Medical Dianosis:
First was Shelly's perception that things were owed to her, to an almost narcissistic level. That is why she used the other roomate's property, including the "moisturizing cream" Shelly put on before getting into the tanning bed, which was her second mistake.
The moisturizer was actually a roommate's psoriasis medication which contained psorolin, which makes skin very sensitive to light and heat, which the UV light of the tanning bed accerlated the reactive properties of the psorolin. As Shelly slept, the psorolin went to work, turning the sunburn into second degree burns over nearly 100 percent of her body, which brought on massive dehydration, and she subsequently died of hypovolemic and cardiogenic shock.
Way To Die #127: Ji-Had It Coming
Date: September 24, 2006
Place: Afganistan
"Tanya" used to be a award winning journalist working in the Middle East going to the most dangerous places to give her perspective on events happening in the area, but somehow along the way, she lost her very own perspective. She denounced the U.S., became a Muslim, and now, today is her wedding day, a blushing bride to a Taliban terrorist, because she wanted to be part of something that made her feel wanted and part of something that was "bigger than life", something the terrorist organization offered.
After the wedding, the other terrorists fired their weapons in the air, celebrating the blessed event. Tanya, wanting to get into the mood, asked her husband for a gun to fire, which he willingly obliged. The bad thing about this was, apparently, Tanya never handled a semi-automatic machine gun before.
As Tanya began firing, she lost control of the gun, firing wildly into the air. Terrorists and women were running for cover, as bullets were flying all around. As she was firing, she abruptly stopped,due to a bullet hitting her in the middle of the forehead, killing her. But who fired the fateful bullet that ended her life?
Medical Dianosis:
Apparently, she did. As she was firing, one of the bullets hit a metal pitcher, and ricocheted back at her with enough force to enter her skull, but not enough force to make an exit wound. Instead the bullet bounced around inside her head, turning her brain into mush, and killed her due to a massive internal hemmorage.
Way To Die #264: Crate and Buried
Date: August 15, 2004
Place: Darfur, Sudan
Darfur is a place where approximately 50 percent of all relief packages don't reach their intended parties, all thanks to individuals who prevent this from happening. "Ahmed" and "Allee" are part of a local rogue militia sect that terrorizes the weak, powerless, and hungry, those who the relief packages are designed for. Such packages have to be airdropped in by the military, in lieu of using personnel to deliver and distribute said packages.
Ahmed and Allee would go and seek out the relief packages, take them for their own, and deny the citizens of Darfur the contents within. But today was the day that two unseen forces got tired of the cruelty that Ahmed and Allee was dishing out. One was karma, the other was gravity.
As Ahmed and Allee was celebrating their latest victory, a relief package landed right where they stood, killing them instantly, and immediately making the lives of some Darfurians a little bit brighter.
Medical Dianosis:
Being crushed by relief packages whose chutes don't open is a peal rainful thing. First off, the head is forced down into the cervical spine, breaking the back, and crushing the heart and lungs. After all the other bones are shattered by the force of 4,000 pounds, the body has all the solidity of a limp and lifeless rag doll.
Way To Die #458: Lost in Transfusion
Date: May 16, 2002
Place: Chicago, Il
People who operate cranes help get it up... buildings, that is, and "Ramon" had the skills to be a crane operator, but in order to keep his life in working order and relieve the boredom of pushing levers all day, he usually operated while under the influence of "Peruvian Marching Powder", which wasn't a problem for Ramon, until his boss one day informed Ramon he was scheduled for a drug test. Now this wasn't the garden variety "Pee in a Cup" one, it was the full blown "Complete Blood Analysis" that Ramon had to endure.
But Ramon couldn't let a little thing like that ruin his day, because he had a plan: Having his girlfriend, who worked at the hospital, get a bag of blood that matched his blood type, he would then sneak the blood into work, and just before he took the drug test, inject the clean blood into his veins so he would be able to pass the test. His idea couldn't fail.
The next day at work, as Ramon was about to take the drug test, he took the blood out of the refridgerator, slipped into the bathroom and injected the new blood. As the blood began coursing through his body, he suddenly realized something went wrong, when he clutched his heart as he went into cardiac arrest and died a a few seconds later.
At least now, he doesn't have to worry about passing his drug test, or anything else, for that matter...
Medical Dianosis:
Ramon was more interested in taking his favorite powder instead of taking the advice of the girfriend, who told him not to inject the blood into his system cold. Because he failed to follow those few words of wisdom, or because he wasn't listening due to being "high on life", he injected the cold blood into his system. The blood, which was significantly colder than the temperature of the human body, caused the heart to beat irregularly, leading to venticular fibulation and venticular tachycardia, which are deadly to the human body, and to Ramon.
And in case you were wondering if Ramon would have passed his drug test if he had lived, the answer to that would be "not a chance" (the blood would have diluted the traces of the drug in his blood stream but not have removed the traces completely).
Wat To Die #678: Arrive-dead-ci
Date: September 8, 2008
Place: Rochester, NY
"Carmine" is a good "GoodFella", a wise "Wiseguy" who did the hororable Mafiosa act of taking the fall for his Don and did two years for assault and battery. He's been a good little inmate, cause the parole board decided he was rehabilitated enough to go on a work release program. But Carmine had other ideas about doing work. As he was assigned to a garbage truck detail which his Don arranged for him to be on, Carmine was all about supervising, except for the times his parole officer came to see how he was doing, then Carmine was all about throwing out the trash. He was so gung ho about showing his parole officer he was doing his job, he forgot about the one thing all garbage collectors knew about, except for Carmine: there's locks on the wheels of dumpsters for a reason, as Carmine is about to find out.
After Carmine pushed one dumpster up a sloping drive to go attend to another dumpster at the bottom of the drive, nobody seemed to notice that a few seconds later, the dumpster began to roll down the hill towards the other dumpster, with Carmine convienantly between the two.
When Carmine turned around, it was too late. He became a dumpster sandwich, and as he died, he found out that he was on the job to take the garbage out, not to have the garbage take him out, like just what happened to him...
Medical Dianosis:
A 500 pound dumpster with 300 pounds of garbage going down a hill at 15 miles an hour can exert 12 thousand units of force, something that Carmine witnessed firsthand, not to mention the rupturing of his abdomen, which, when the dumpster moved back a bit after crushing Carmine, caused his intestines to fall out of his body, meaning that Carmine basicly exploded, caused by 12 thousand units of force.
Way To Die #402: Miss-ur Head
Date: March 6, 1925
Place: Marseille, France
Nathanial is a man with a question: When a man is executed by a guillotine, is the death inhumane despite it being called a humane form of death? It's a question that has plagued Nathanial for years, but today is the day that his question will be answered. Making an arrangement with the prison and Nicholas Davilliers, the murderer who is being executed, Nathanial will attend the execution, then examine the head after it is severed from the body.
This will also help prove the theory that Nathanial and other people have: The brain retains consciousness for a few seconds after it is separated from the body. If this is true, then the point can be made that death by guillotine, was in fact, inhumane.
At last, the monent of truth arrived. After the blade fell, and the guillotine did it's work, Nathanial picked up Nicholas's head and tried to get some response from it. Alas, nothing, except for some involutary blinking from Nicholas. Suffice it to say that Nathanial's quest has now come to an end.
Medical Dianosis:
It can be argued that the brain can still see, hear, or even sense for a minute after the head is severed from the body due to the lack of brain trauma a guillotine killing provides. How long this is depends on when the brain runs out of oxygen. But a guillotime death is somewhat humane when compared to the other historical deaths on the program.
Way To Die #247: Eye-Sick-Kill
Date: November 29, 2008
Place: Cedar Springs, MI
The Christmas season at a mall in Cedar Springs, MI, had it's usual Christmas display, and since it was Christmastime, the mall had Santa Claus stationed outside to greet visitors. But this Santa was as naughty as his female helpers were "nice", but you would expect this Santa to be naughty. The rest of the year, he was just an old hippie stoner called "Paul".
As this Santa would do things that would only happen in the privacy of Santa's house in the North Pole, Santa's helper's got tired of the special attention that Santa paid them and made it a point to talk to the mall manager, who then made it a point to give Santa a present, that of getting fired.
But as Santa was walking away after being fired, he looked up and suddenly got a point, that was at the end of an icicle that suddenly dislodged itself from the roof, and went straight into Santa's eye, killing him instanly.
That's funny, usually naughty people get coal for Christmas, but this bad Santa got something "ice" this year...
Medical Dianosis:
The icicle decided to dislodge at that moment, which dropped with enough velocity to actually go through the eye and into the brain and killing Santa, due to brain trauma.
The creation of icicles is a continious cycle: The point of the icicle is formed more quickly than the base, which releases heat every time the icicle freezes. This cycle happens over and over again until the base of the icicle can't hold any more weight and breaks off and falls. The dislodging of icicles off buildings and roofs can prove hazardous and sometimes deadly to pedestrians and drivers due to the speed that a falling icicle can achieve, and icicles have actually killed people, like our unlucky Santa, during wintertime, more times than you can imagine.
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