- Film Brain: So we begin this very subtle parody of Northern England on Shit Street. Yes... yes, we are.
- Film Brain: Meanwhile, San and Tray's boyfriends have been shipped into Afghanistan where they bonk the local women. I'd tell them to get fucked, but they already are.
- Film Brain: Why am I looking for logic in a film where Jerry O'Connell's penis gets bitten off mid-B.J.?
- Film Brain: Hello and welcome to the April Fools edition of Bad Movie Beatdown. Unlike the other videos out today, you're not the fool, I'M the fool.
- Cop: Get on the radio. I think we'd better call in Immigration.
- Film Brain: I say call the exterminators and have done with it.
- Tracey: Page? As in three?
- Film Brain: Let me try! Okay, um... Page, more like book. Ha ha ha, yeah, I hate myself now.
- Immigration Officer: Whaddya think? 'Couple Shiites?
- Film Brain: The funny part is that it sounds like 'shite', and the joke is.
- Film Brain: Oh God, there's so much stupid in one place. I can feel my sanity starting to crack!
- [later]
- Film Brain: I heard the crack! THERE IT GOES!
- Film Brain: Believe me, British comedy isn't all Monty Python and Black Adder, as this skid-mark proves.
- Film Brain: And looky here, here's another British comedian slumming it for a check. In this case, Angus Deaton. I'm trying to work out whether this was pre or post coke addiction. Either way, it explains the desperation.
- Film Brain: I don't know which is worse, the cheap fat suits or the stupid joke with the classical music, who I'm guessing is not Susan Boyle.
- Film Brain: They even can't stop fighting when the Secretary General of the United Free World arrives to make them ambassadors for safe sex. Ha ha, irony.