- Pepper Fairbanks: I haven't seen Qwark take this much of a beating since he challenged that seven year old to a spelling bee!
- Dr. Nefarious: [Qwark is unconscious] Can we kill him?
- Ratchet: No!
- Dr. Nefarious: I can make it look like an accident...
- Ratchet: [pause] How?
- Clank: Ratchet!
- Ratchet: Alright, no...
- Captain Qwark: We're gonna die! Alone! Alone in a dark forest, with no cameras to capture every moment so I can be remembered!
- Dr. Nefarious: [to Qwark] Even if i was wishing the Blarg would tear you limb from limb so i could river-dance around your smoldering squishy carcass... I always considered you a friend.
- Clank: I believe I know someone who can fix you.
- Captain Qwark: Well, I don't mean to brag but I did modify my crotchetizer with a vibrating function I like to call the happy platypus.
- Clank: ...I beg your pardon Qwark?
- Dr. Nefarious: Get your elbow out of my face!
- Captain Qwark: Where am I supposed to put it?
- Clank: Ratchet, do not say a word.
- Ratchet: I don't know, I recognise stupidity... I'm friends with Qwark.
- Captain Qwark: Yeah! Wait, what?
- Commander Spog: Steward! Where are all my minions?
- The Steward: Most of them are afraid to fight, commander. They are hiding in storage until the interlopers evacuate.
- Commander Spog: Well then lie, tell them there is a party in sector 12 with cake and presents... I don't know, use your imagination.
- The Steward: Attention minions: there is a party in sector 12, with cake, and presents, and absolutely no threat to your life whatsoever. BYOB!
- Dr. Nefarious: Off to confront the diabolical warbot who preys on the innocent... And I'm all out of businesses cards.
- The Steward: Attention interlopers, your gadget certification diplomas now bear the shameful mark of the frowny face. Feel the sting of disapproval.
- Dr. Nefarious: [about Qwark] Someone get Fatty McMouth Breather an oxygen mask? I'm NOT gonna carry him if he passes out!
- Ratchet: [Dr. Nefarious catches the heroes by surprise, revealed to be the one who lured them to the Z'Grute under a false Award Ceremony invite] Dr. Nefarious... I was wondering when you were going to show up? Is that your new space station? Looks a little smaller than the last one.
- Dr. Nefarious: [sarcastically] Oh, you're hysterical!
- [threateningly]
- Dr. Nefarious: Let's see you crack jokes inside the digestive tract of a Z'Grute!
- [Screaming at Lawrence through a megaphone to Lawrence's ear]
- Dr. Nefarious: LAWREENNNNCE!
- Lawrence: [unfazed; very drily] Oh, Goody. I get to reanimate something.
- Dr. Frumpus Croid: [4th Holojournal viewed] Holodiary 003. It has been twenty-two years since I lost Mr. Dinkles. I checked the fjords of Rank-Arun, the meadows of Tortem Fi, and even the bluffs of Vendros. Nothing. But I know he's out there. Poor, poor Mr. Dinkles. I shudder to think of the countless birthdays he's spent as a slave to Nevo's machinations. What plans does that traitor have for these creatures? I must act before it's too late! Ihave repurposed an old seritor drone to scour the planet for his whereabouts. Using an example of Mr. Dinkles' DNA, Ephemeris will run a comparative analysis of every life form it encounters until it finds a match. Without Mr. Dinkles, Nevo's plans will crumble and Magus will be safe from his treachery.
- Dr. Frumpus Croid: [5th Holojournal entry viewed] Holodiary 004. It has been fifty years since Mr. Dinkles was taken, and my rescue plan has backfired in a most disastrous way. The directive matrix that restricts Ephemeris to this planet has been deleted. The on-board surveillance camera shows that this was no accident - this was Nevo's doing! This is twice he has taken what does not belong to him. Only now, he has something that will allow him to expand his plan beyond the confines of Magnus. Even now, Ephemeris grows under Nevo's control. He's modifying it for interplanetary travel, extending its reach further and further into the cosmos. I cannot wait any longer. I must venture Uzo Cityfor a long overdue confession, and to convince the Tharpods to stop my friend at all costs. We must succeed. For if we fail, dark times will befall the planet... Or worse, the universe itself...
- Dr. Nefarious: [to Qwark, after getting smacked out of a frozen-up state] YOU TWIT! You *dare* lay your squishy hands on me? When I get down from here, I'll rip you in half!
- [Dr. Nefarious's hovercraft has been power-drained by the newly reanimated light-eating Z-Grute. The hovercraft sputters and falls, leaving Nefarious and Lawrence in midair]
- Dr. Nefarious: Son of a...
- [flails his arms and legs; screaming]
- Dr. Nefarious: BAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
- [He falls]
- Dr. Frumpus Croid: [3rd Holojournal viewed] Holodiary entry: 002. A heinous crime has been committed. This morning, I awoke to find my laboratory in shambles. The vectromorpic tricilloscope was smashed, the crack-resistant flume canisters were cracked - and worst of all... an egregious crime has been committed! The plans for the protomorphic energy extractor - gone! All that was left behind was a recipe for drophyd stew! Mr. Dinkles! My friend. My muse! Someone had taken him, but it couldn't be... No... Nevo. What have you done?
- Clank: [to Capt. Qwark; after defeating Commander Spog and figuring out who should repain his voice modulator] Pardon me Qwark, I was referring to him.
- [points at Dr. Nefarious]
- Dr. Nefarious: [Taken aback] Me? Are you insane?
- Clank: If I may, being evil has not worked out well for you these last few years. Perhaps, using your intelligence for good will yield better results
- [a pause]
- Dr. Nefarious: [begrudingly] Alright! Fine! But speak of this to no one!
- Dr. Frumpus Croid: [2nd Holojournal viewed] Holodiary entry: 001. Creatures! For years, they've been something of a rite of passage on Magnus. Their very presence seems to enrich and motivate us all. It is a bond no one has ever sought to understand, until now... Using a complex array of technological thing-a-ma-doos, my collegue Nevo Binklemeyer and I have been investigating the effect of creatures on their owners. Take my own companion, Mr. Dinkles. His mere presence seems to amplify my talents as a paradoxologist But observe him through the lens of a vectomorphic tricilloscope... What strange manifestation is this? Have we found some new form of cosmic radiation? We must learn more about this new energy. Nevo believes he can modify the protomorphic energy extractors in order to seperate the energy from it's host. Tomorrow will be a great day for science!
- Dr. Frumpus Croid: [1st Holojournal viewed] Holodiary entry: 005. They came during the night. Hundreds of them. And they attacked without warning. I stood atop Zuzzo Fields, and watched in horror as Commander Spog and his army lay waste to Uzo City. Through ribbons of fire I saw my creation, bloated and terrible, a deadly moon hanging silently amongst the destruction - Ephemeris. What plans does my enemy have for this ark? I can't explain it, but I feel as if some dark fate haunts us all from the future and Ephemeris is the key. These... things will not stop on Magnus. We are simply the first steps. And I, Dr. Frumpus Croid, cannot shake the feeling that it was my work that made it possible...
- [the gang has found the transport to Uzo City abandoned and in disrepair]
- Ratchet: [chagrined] Ah, No, no, No... Come On!
- [Captain Qwark dramatically falls into a faint. Dr. Nefarious, alarmed by Quark's faint, catches him from falling. Nefarious watches in concern as Qwark, cradled in his arms, launches into a death-scene monologue]
- Captain Qwark: [dramamtically] This is it! The End of President Captain Quark! I can feel Death's icy grip!
- [Clank looks sympathetic, Ratchet rolls his eyes and shakes his head, exasperated. Qwark looks at Dr. Nefarious apologetically]
- Captain Qwark: Nefarious. I'm sorry I pushed you around in high school. You were smart, and I was such a...
- Dr. Nefarious: [suddenly suspicious] Moron?
- Captain Qwark: I was gonna say "Adonis", but if you want to be a jerk about it...
- Dr. Nefarious: [genuinely apologetic] I'm sorry too...
- [pause]
- Dr. Nefarious: [gradually vitriolic] You should know that while I was wishing the blarg would tear you apart *limb from limb* so that I could riverdance around you're smoldering, squishy carcass...
- [pause; now more gentle]
- Dr. Nefarious: ... I still considered you a friend.
- [Nefarious picks up a red wrench nearby and gives it to Qwark. Qwark's face lights up]
- Captain Qwark: [affected gasp] An Intergalactic Tool of Justice Award!
- [hugs the "award"]
- The Plumber: [the wrench's real owner - the Plumber arrives, catching Nefarious and Qwark off-guard] If you fellas are done, I'm gonna need that wrench back.
- [Dr. Nefarious immediately drops Qwark who lands heavily on the ground]