Death Valley (TV Series)

Peace in the Valley (2011)

Bryan Callen: Captain Dashell

Quotes 

• Captain Dashell : I just received a text from officer Johnson in the hospital. It reads, uh, "love from ya boy." Four ys in "boy." Uh, "to da whole UTF family." "Holla at ya... ya boy." Again with the four... I can't read... This is gibberish. Pretty sure he's on a morphine drip.

• Captain Dashell : Ah, women. You're so emotional.

  Officer Joe Stubeck : Captain, I have to agree with Carla on this one.

  Captain Dashell : Ah, men. You're like women.

• Captain Dashell : Look, nobody hates the vamps more than I do, and I trust 'em about as far as I can throw 'em, which is to say not very far. 'Less, of course, one of 'em happens to be a dwarf. In which case, my personal best happens to be 16 feet.

• Captain Dashell : This peace summit is over. I can tell you that.

  Officer Kirsten Landry : What? Why?

  Captain Dashell : 'Cause the next vamp I see is getting a steel-tipped boot in the ass.

  Officer Kirsten Landry : That doesn't actually kill them, captain.

  Captain Dashell : I know that!