Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Once Upon a Forest (2011)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Quotes 

• Cornelius : No, furlings! There's a deadly toxic gas in there!

  Nostalgia Critic : They had Taco Bell before they left home!

• Nostalgia Critic : Oh, God, we're back in The Secret Of NIMH 2! Quick, hide all your Eric Idles!

• Nostalgia Critic : Okay, you clearly have no idea how early 90's animated environmental films work. Rule #1, Man is the devil, #2, Anything not man is good, and #3, Your movie must bomb. You got two of those down, but number one is still a biggie.

• Nostalgia Critic : Of course, the missing ingredient! Pikachu tears, mixed with the heart of Inspector Gadget, while magic moonbeams drop down, during the chanting of "We Care", after taking her from the Genesis Planet!

• Nostalgia Critic : Yep, I guess the early '90s really had a freak-out about destroying the environment. Not that it isn't worth saving, but watching this shit makes me wanna burn down five unprotected rain forests and smoke three endangered species just to even it out.

• Abigail : [leaving]  See you later. Love you!

  Abigail's Father : Me too, Abigail.

  Nostalgia Critic : [imitating Abigail's Father]  I love me too, yes.

• Cornelius : [points to a tree with his cane]  Now, what is this, Furlings?

  Edgar : A willow, Cornelius!

  Cornelius : Corrrrect! Did you know its bark can be used to cure rrrrheumatism?

  Michelle : What's "rumor-tism"?

  Cornelius : Rrrrheum-ah-tism.

  Nostalgia Critic : Yes, what is "rrrrrheumatism"? Is it when Rrrruffles have rrrridges? I'd rrrreally, rrrrreally, RRRRREALLY like to know!

• Cornelius : Furlings! We shall go home right now if you are not going to take this ramble seriously!

  Nostalgia Critic : Did he really just call his own speech a ramble? Like even he knows what he's saying is 100% bullshit. That's not very encouraging when your teacher acknowledges that what he's saying is totally pointless.

  Nostalgia Critic : [as Cornelius]  Now, children, how would you like me to prrrrattle on about my uncontrollable bowel syndrome?

  Children : Yaaaaay!

• Cornelius : Furlings!

  Nostalgia Critic : Will you stop calling them that! It sounds like a racial slur!

• Cornelius : [after Russell is nearly hit by a car]  Oh, Russell. It's rare that a Furling survives an encounter with...

  Michelle : A monster?

  Cornelius : That is a good name for it.

  Nostalgia Critic : [as Cornelius]  It's rrrrare that a rrrrange rrrrover doesn't rrrram you into rrrravaged rrrroadkill, you rrrrambunctious little rrrretard!

• Cornelius : Grrrrreat honk!

  Nostalgia Critic : What?

  Cornelius : Grrrrreat honk!

  Nostalgia Critic : Great honk?

  Cornelius : Grrreat honk!

  Nostalgia Critic : Great Hulk?

  Cornelius : Grrreat honk!

  Nostalgia Critic : Great hawk?

  Cornelius : Grrreat honk!

  Nostalgia Critic : Great hog?

  Cornelius : Grrreat honk!

  Nostalgia Critic : ...Stop making up words.

• Nostalgia Critic : OK, there's MacGyver and then there's God, and this is... MacGodver!

• Nostalgia Critic : You know... we don't review enough environmentally-aware films, do we?

  [the viewer moves the mouse cursor up to the corner of the screen to look at a porn website] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Come back! Come back! I assure you, this annoying environmental film has one big difference from all the other annoying environmental films... This one has Michael Crawford!

  [the viewer moves the mouse cursor up to the corner of the screen to look at another porn website] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Hey! Hey, come back here! Come back here! Stop looking at porn!

  [he shoves the website aside to speak] 

  Nostalgia Critic : This is Once Upon a Forest!

  [the website pushes back] 

• [Cornelius and the furlings have found a boat and are rowing down stream] 

  Nostalgia Critic : [as Cornelius]  Perhaps we should sing a song.

  [starts to sing] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Rrrrrrow, rrrrrrow, rrrrrrow your boat, gently down the strrrrrream!

• Michelle : Uncle Cornelius, all the mommies and daddies are coming back!

  Cornelius : [looks sad]  Not all, my dear.

  Nostalgia Critic : [pause]  Well, that's a fucking downer. Talk about Captain Buzzkill. How many other happy endings do you ruin with your sad, awkward facts?

  Nostalgia Critic : [holds a wine glass]  Woo-hoo! I just won the lottery!

  Nostalgia Critic : [as Cornelius]  Yes, but 9/11 still happened.

• [last lines] 

  Nostalgia Critic : So you see? It didn't kill you to hear another environmental review, did it? I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it...

  [the viewer brings the mouse cursor up to the left corner of the screen to view another porn website] 

  Nostalgia Critic : You guys are asses.