- Alan Harper: We had to sell the house in Malibu.
- Lyndsey: So where are you living?
- Alan Harper: The house in Malibu.
- Lyndsey: Wait, what?
- Alan Harper: Oh, it's actually a funny story. Uh, the fellow who bought it is actually an incredibly rich internet guy who went through a bad divorce, and he's lonely and needs a friend, so he asked me to stick around for a while.
- Lyndsey: What's the funny part?
- Alan Harper: He actually thinks I'm gonna leave someday.
- Baker: Well hello, little girl.
- Berta: Hi, big daddy. You get everything?
- Baker: Hell yeah. Beer, bucket of drumsticks, and nine magic fingers!
- Berta: Let's go!
- [both Berta and Baker start for the bedroom]
- Walden Schmidt: Uh, Berta? What's going on?
- Berta: What's it look like? I'm going to get drunk, eat some chicken, and rock this old man's world!
- Walden Schmidt: [to himself] I've got ten fingers and a billion dollars, and this guy's getting more action than me!
- Walden Schmidt: He's gonna move out at some point, right?
- Berta: [touching his face] You are SO cute!
- Walden Schmidt: [to Alan] Forget it! I'm not going to a bar!
- Baker: Hey, sling! Where do you keep the plunger?
- Walden Schmidt: I am going to a bar.