Ted (TV Mini Series)

Just Say Yes (2024)

Seth MacFarlane: Ted

Photos 

Quotes 

• Principal : I was principal at Dorchester High.

  Ted : Aww, shit! Wait, isn't their mascot just a guy with a knife?

  Principal : Technically, Stabbers was a pirate, but yes. It was a little rough.

  Ted : I heard there was one girl there who was only 8 years older than her own granddaughter...

  Principal : I'm afraid that's true.

  Ted : Well, how'd *that* work?

  Principal : Oh, it involved the International Date Line.

• Ted : Johnny, how bad is school gonna suck?

  John Bennett : You're not gonna like it.

  Ted : How bad?

  John Bennett : You ever drink orange juice after brushing your teeth?

  Ted : Yeah?

  John Bennett : Well, it's like getting your nuts smashed together so hard they become just one nut.

  Ted : Holy shit. And that's every day?

  John Bennett : That's every single day.

• John Bennett : She's not gonna swear, man. I win.

  Ted : Aw, fuck!

  [slams down fist] 

  John Bennett : Pay up.

  [Ted hands over the dough] 

  John Bennett : Thank you.

  [counts bills] 

  John Bennett : Wait, you're not wearing pants. Where'd you get this?

  Ted : [gruff]  Don't you worry about where I'm keeping stuff.