Midsomer Murders (TV Series)
A Rare Bird (2012)
Neil Dudgeon: DCI John Barnaby
Photos
Quotes
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[John Barnaby is reading from a book about rare birds, in connection with the murder case]
DCI John Barnaby : "The female blue-crested hoopoe has multiple partners and attacks the male viciously in the nether regions after mating".
Sarah Barnaby : Well, that should stop them feeling frisky.
DCI John Barnaby : Ouch!
[Sarah seductively strokes John's hand]
Sarah Barnaby : Are you, uh, feeling frisky?
DCI John Barnaby : Will you attack me viciously in the nether regions afterwards?
Sarah Barnaby : Quite possibly.
DCI John Barnaby : [eagerly] You're on!
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DCI John Barnaby : I was thinking of something rather more, um, spiritual; something of the unattainable object of desire.
DS Ben Jones : Out of my depth there, sir.
DCI John Barnaby : Jones, you'd be out of your depth in a puddle.
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DS Ben Jones : You don't think Nina Morgan would go for someone as rough as Dave Foxely, sir?
DCI John Barnaby : Ever read 'Lady Chatterley's Lover', Jones?
DS Ben Jones : Only... bits.
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Ralph Ford : I'm a vegetarian.
DCI John Barnaby : I don't quite see the relevance of that.
Ralph Ford : I'm just saying as a vegetarian I could never put a living corpse into my mouth, chew its hacked flesh, swallow the juices of its death wounds.
DCI John Barnaby : We're not accusing you of eating him, Mr. Ford.
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Olivia Carter : You know it was Ralph Ford who did it.
DCI John Barnaby : Do I?
Olivia Carter : The man's crazy as a coot. He'd kill to get his hands on that cup. Rip your throat out to win the prize.
DCI John Barnaby : And there was me thinking that birdwatching was such an innocent pastime.
Olivia Carter : It's not a pastime, Inspector; it's a religion. Birders are a bunch of jealous, self-centred maniacs. They'd cancel their own wedding for the glimpse of a rare bird.
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[last lines]
DCI John Barnaby : Cheers, Jones. Well done.
DS Ben Jones : To a very rare bird.
DCI John Barnaby : Th the beautiful Nina, who for a moment there was almost a dying swan.
DS Ben Jones : I didn't mean Nina. I meant our feathered friend.
DCI John Barnaby : Aaah, of course, to her. To the blue-crested hoopoe, s very rare bird indeed.