Photos
Quotes
-
Kryten : [discussing kidney stone surgery on Jesus] We need to insert a laser and a urethroscope up his urethra, locate the stone and haul it out.
Lister : Kryten the only urethra I know is Urethra Franklin... in English!
Rimmer : Here's a hint: it's the last place *any* man wants anyone inserting anything.
Lister : Y'what? You're stuffin' stuff up his Schneiberhauser?
-
Kryten : [Jesus has revealed to the crew he has had a pain in his back for 14 days] Well, we'll we need an X-ray to confirm, but I think he's got a kidney stone, we may need to operate.
Lister : Is it life threatening?
Cat : Depends who's operating.
Rimmer : 14 days. Sounds like the stone's too big to pass. His kidney could shrivel and die, and complications could set in.
Lister : We get him down to the medi-lab, we fix him up, we get him back, what's the problem?
Kryten : We can't trust the medi-computer, sir. Remember what happened last month when you went in for a mumps and rubella injection?
Lister : Yeah, asked for a rube jab, woke up with a boob job.
[feeling his chest]
Lister : It's still not quite right up here.
Kryten : Then we'll have to do it.
Rimmer : But we're not qualified.
Kryten : I'm perfectly qualified, sir, after all, I've been operating on Mr Lister for years.
Lister : [concerned] You what?
Kryten : Well, not trusting the medi-computer, sir, what choice do I have?
Lister : What kind of operations?
Kryten : It was all above board, sir. I asked Mr Rimmer for permission. Sir, you remember that stomach pain you had a few months ago?
Lister : Yeah?
Kryten : You remember the searing agony you were in?
Lister : Yeah?
Kryten : And you remember how it just sort of stopped?
Lister : Yeah?
Kryten : That's because I performed a Splenectomy on you, sir.
Lister : You what?
Kryten : I removed your spleen.
Lister : My spleen? You removed my spleen! Well, where is it? I might need that!
Kryten : It's with the rest of your organs, sir. In the freezer. Next to my quarters, on G-deck.
